Why Ryan O’Connell is a Fucking God
photo courtesy of newhouse.com
The man. The myth. The legend. Ryan O’Connell. In case you live under a rock, Ryan O’Connell is the biggest name in LGBTQ+ and disability awareness in the media. AKA he was the first person EVER to create a television show centered on a lead character who is both disabled and homosexual. His claim to fame is his new Netflix show Special which was released last April.
Syracuse University was graced with his presence this past Tuesday, October 22nd when Ryan brought the audience to tears in Goldstein Auditorium... happy tears, we promise. His interview revealed a past laced with identity crises as he came to accept himself as gay, disabled, and proud. Now, with years of sass boiling in his blood, Ryan is finally ready to have his story be heard.
Ryan claims that although it took him decades to become comfortable with his identity, he was born with it out of the womb. Sure, his predisposed cerebral palsy was one thing. But he popped outta there glistening with flamboyant and ready to conquer the fuckin’ world... But the world just wasn’t ready for him yet.
All throughout middle and high school, Ryan tried to suppress his true self. He explains that it was so hard to connect to people he saw on tv or even in real life because no one looked like him. He had no model to emulate. This created a life of loneliness as Ryan realized he would have to carve his own path.
But he did have help. Ryan admits that his parents were extremely supportive of him, even though “society was still tbd.” They were the first people to convince Ryan that he had ideas worth sharing. His parents doused him in official TV scripts, journals, and anything else he needed to keep his dream alive. To them, his existence was valid. Even if it was being erased in all other aspects of his life.
Ryan truly began writing in the sixth grade, when his English teacher put stars in his eyes. His first inspiration was a self-described “insanely crappy” show called Popular that ran before the majority of us were alive. It was one of those shows that only ran for two seasons, cuz there was only so many times you could say the word “popular” without needing to reach for a barf bag (but IMDb gave it a 7.3/10 so idkkk). This was when Ryan began playing with comedy, something that always came naturally (or as he would say “natch”) to him. Comedic writing became his outlet, the only way he could survive high school especially after he came out when he was seventeen. We’re with you, Ryan. High school blows. However, it wasn’t until he graduated that Ryan’s life became a little #trippy.
After attending San Francisco State for two years, Ryan was hit with a car and had to go through four hand surgeries. Soon after, he packed his bags and headed to the Big Apple to start his new life. At his new school, which is literally called The New School (look it up), some of his peers assumed that his limp was from the car accident when in reality it was a side effect of his cerebral palsy. Ryan refused to correct them. This is when he began living a lie. But as he himself said, “When you lie about who you are, it’s like putting a bandaid over a huge gaping wound.” And Ryan was afraid of bleeding out.
He thought that by lying, he could get rid of the part of himself that he hated. So he pretended to be an accident victim for three years, buying himself enough time to learn how to live and love the right way again. Or so he thought. In reality, Ryan was “in pain from this injury called life,” and needed to find his truth again.
After years of keeping his disability private, Ryan wrote a column called “Coming Out of the Disabled Closet” for Thought Catalog which he later expanded into a book. It was not till after the its publishment that Ryan truly considered himself an uncloseted disabled and gay man. Once he was free from the constraints of his identity, he was able to begin focusing on the story he truly wanted to tell: His own.
That’s how Special began. It was his baby. His “weekend hoe.” His goal was to write the show that ten year old him would love to have seen. The show that would’ve prevented him from spending so much time trying to change himself instead of accepting the #selflove that he so rightly deserves.
The year was 2015, and Hollywood was just now realizing that it was sexist, and racist, and pretty much intolerant as a whole. A little known fact about Special is that it took four years to be picked up by an exec in this culture. People passed over Ryan’s show time and time and time again and it made him feel worthless. Like his existence didn’t matter. Like all of his hard work and dedication culminated into being just “cute.”
He was outraged, and for good reason. So, he continued to push his story to the front until Netflix agreed to let him write eight, fifteen minute segments in 2016. Finally. He didn’t care that his show may not be seen as “sexy” or as “cool,” he just wanted there to be a story for gay people, by gay people. Just as adolescent Ryan would have wanted.