The Zoom Tan Epidemic

graphic by nina bridges

Let me preface this by saying I’m from New Jersey. I have seen just about every spray tan in the book. If spotting the worst fake tan the week of prom was a sport, I would have undoubtedly graduated high school as captain of the varsity team.

 I used to think that there was no bond stronger than spray tans and dirty Jersey (other than Snooki & JWoww of course). But much to surprise, everything changed when I came to Syracuse and the Zoom Tan epidemic hit me like a truck. 

We’ve all seen it. 

That ~srat~ girl, looking like the spawn of a (not so) Hot Cheeto and the peanut butter baby, sprinting to her Uber in her white Air Force 1s because if a drop of rain touches her, she will look splotchy at date night, and her life will consequently be ruined. 

Well, this week, that was me. I was that girl. 

When October struck and I realized that my summer tan lines were swiftly fading, I had to take matters into my own hands. It was time. My first spray tan. 

The car ride to Zoom Tan was one of self-reflection. Was I really turning into one of those girls?

I walked into the salon with a mission. A single spray of the absolute lightest shade. I was just here for the experience, you know?

I somehow walked out of Zoom Tan that night with a year-long membership, an overpriced lotion I most definitely did not need and the second darkest spray tan available. 

I had fallen victim to the epidemic. 

“Don’t freak out when you see it in the morning,” were the last words I heard as I left the tanning salon. 

After a restless night sleep with the Zoom Tan lady’s warning ringing in my ears, I finally rolled out of bed to the sound of my alarm. As I opened my Snapchat selfie camera, I was in shock, and, well… let’s just say I freaked out. My tan had fully developed and I was an entirely other level unbeknownst to man of “sunkissed”.

Luckily, after a bit of exfoliating, my tan came out surprisingly well and gave me a confidence boost I was not expecting. Honestly, I felt like a glowing, bronzed goddess. While I will definitely be canceling that yearly membership, I have a new understanding and appreciation for the fake tanning lifestyle. If nothing else, my time at Zoom Tan taught me one valuable lesson: If something makes you feel confident then do it! If you want to glow then glow, baby! Just make sure you don’t buy the overpriced lotion. 

Maybe the Syracuse Zoom Tan groupies know what they’re talking about after all.