It’s Time to Fuck Around, Literally.
graphic by lillian su
It’s time to fuck around, and we mean that literally. First of all, waking up in someone else’s Twin XL bed in a prison cell-sized dorm room is so freshman year (our formal apologizes to any and all freshman, we understand that you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do). Second of all, cuffing season is approaching, and fast. Whether you’re trying to hoe it up before someone ties you down, put a potential significant other to the test, or you’re just looking for a few places to engage in semi-public sex to spice up your vanilla sex life, we’ve compiled the a list of some of the best hookup spots around campus. Let’s get freaky.
Bookstore Dressing Room: As long as the bookstore isn’t having some a $7 t-shirt promotion, slipping into a dressing room unnoticed isn’t the haughtiest of tasks. The more difficult part is keeping the noise level down. The dressing rooms certainly aren’t soundproof, but they do lock.
Barnes Center Meditation Room: They have essential oil diffusers inside. If that doesn’t set the mood, we don’t know what does.
ESF Greenhouse: ESF students have access to all of our facilities, so we think it’s only fair we get some use out of theirs too. And, greenhouses are hot. Literally.
Whitman Team Rooms: To any and all who are feeling a little ballsy, this is the perfect place to take it to the next level. Due to the narrow window at the entrance, it takes a little bit of finesse, but pull it off and you’ve got yourself eternal bragging rights.
BDJ Labs: Every lab has a lock on the door, and who goes to the fourth floor of Newhouse II anyway? The floor also has editing suites which are available to rent, typically but not exclusively used by BDJ students for voice recordings. The doors may not lock, but the suites are soundproof… we’ll just leave that information here.
Steele Center: This hidden gem, the optimal word here being hidden, is technically a space reserved for VIS majors. However, we do not adhere to this elitist mentality and have chosen to use the photo enlarger room for our own extra curricular purposes. No, the room doesn’t have a door, but it does have board games.
Upper Levels of Bird Library: Pick a self, any shelf. Books are sexy, and it’s not like anyone actually ventures above the third floor.
Hendrick’s Chapel: God’s doors are open to anyone at anytime, and so are the doors of Hendricks. Getting down and dirty on or anywhere near the alter for that matter is a bit much, even for us, but we’ll take a pew on the upper level any day. For those concerned about eternal spite, we would encourage doing the walk of shame straight down to the alter and repenting the fuck out of your sins.
Women’s Building Locker Rooms: Since the opening of the Barnes Center, the Women’s Building has become a relic of days past, making the locker rooms the perfect place to do the deed. The bathrooms, the individual changing stalls, the weird space behind the showers with a suspicious red curtain. Just pick a place, or multiple. You can even take a shower after.
The Dome: Dome in the dome — ‘nuff said.
And to anyone who manages to get into the Crouse bell tower, a process which may or may not involve bribing a chime master, you win. Game over.