Why You Should Stay Away From Juice Cleanses

courtesy of freepik.com

courtesy of freepik.com

$7 for a medium smoothie with a few frozen fruits and a hint of matcha. Pay $2 more if you want to add acai to that! We love you, Original Grain, but your prices are outrageous. Also, does anyone ACTUALLY know what acai is? Does it have any confirmed benefits at all? We did our research and are here inform you that the $10 trendy and “healthy” smoothies and juices being sold are, in fact, NOT worth it.

Juice cleanses have been a known fad for years now. The vegan juice bars in cities across America have basically taken over every block. But why? It’s almost as if we automatically assume every small piece of bread or one serving of pasta is the enemy and we must never consume it again, especially with summer right around the corner. With the sun finally exposing itself and the wind chill dwindling, the green, red, and yellow juices are finally coming out to play. What most of us don’t know is that these unsatisfying juice diets may be worse than the dreaded carb.


Let’s be real, the reason anyone ever does a juice cleanse is to lose weight. You know it, we know it, everyone knows it. According to Medical News Today, since the juice diets are usually very low in calories (but very high in sugars, more on this later), weight loss is usually one of the very first effects to occur after the detox begins. But the change in weight is rarely long lasting. Since the juices most often don’t have any protein content, the muscle mass and metabolic rates of the detoxee both decrease substantially. Say goodbye to toned arms and legs and hello to bloated bellies and weak muscles. Straying away from the late-night Kimmel burritos and taking the long way up the Crouse stairs to class is the better way to go.


Fruits have always been known to be better than vegetables, it’s is a well-respected fact. But why is that? Well, it’s time we have the talk we’ve been avoiding. The harsh truth is that fruit has sugar in it, and lots of it. But don’t get too upset just yet! Fruits contain many vitamins, antioxidants, minerals, and fiber (especially those with more skin) that are all known to maximize health effects. However, since the juices are generally chock full of fruits, many seem to cause swings in blood pressure. One of the better-known cleanse companies, Juice Press, states their six juice per one-day cleanse only contains 1,300 calories, but over 90 grams of sugar. That’s almost a restriction of 700 calories and over four times the daily sugar intake. Because the juice is so unsatisfying, many who commit themselves to this diet often report feeling ravenous and experience changes in mood. Perhaps this caloric restriction and varying blood sugar levels explain some of those side effects. To take it one step further, an article posted to Vice stated that those who drink fruit juice have an elevated risk for developing type-2 diabetes. EEK! Watch out for the hangry cleansers around campus!


As if there weren’t enough flaws to cleanses, now we get to discuss their bullshit prices. The $10 smoothie from Haagen Dazs is worth it, the $10 juice is not. Spend that SUpercard money right! The average cleanser for a beginner lasts three days, the more moderate last five, and for the real try-hards, they last for one full week. Breathe Yoga in Syracuse offers three-day juice cleanses for a bargain of $165. That’s around $55 per day just for juice. It’s almost as scary as when we all found out how much we were being charged per dining hall meal during freshman year––which was around $23 in case you forgot. But that Syracuse bargain is one you can’t pass up, because other three-day cleanses well surpass $250.


They say the more you know the better, and Jerk agrees wholeheartedly. Save yourself the trouble and don’t do the cleanse, no matter how tempting it may be. Also, why drink calories and be both bloated and starved, when eating them is more fun and fulfilling? Our bodies need all the sustenance they can get to survive finals week throw-downs and Mayfest black-outs.