Let’s Talk About Sex…We Guess?

photo courtesy of pexels / mahrael boutros

“The Talk” is probably the most embarrassing conversation a kid will ever have to endure with their parents. Whether you had previously known about sex or this dreaded conversation was the first time you did, it was probably an uncomfortable situation that you tried to get out of as soon as you could (at least that’s what we did). The sheer awkwardness of “The Talk '' is present even if the conversation goes exactly as your parents planned, or if you are like me, the entire plan was derailed by my father thinking that my mum had already told me and brought it up while we were watching “Animal Planet.” I thought that would be the end of it, but now, about ten years later, the roles have reversed and my newly divorced mum is looking to me for sex advice.

My parents have been separated for about five months now, which has resulted in a science-fiction worthy worm-hole, allowing for a shift in positions and the inevitable blurring between the role of parent and friend that comes with adulthood. I now have the job (which I do not remember applying for) of answering every question my mum has when it relates to flirting, dating, and yes...even sex. My mother, a mid-forty recent divorcee, had been married for 23 years and, what I have gathered from certain innuendos, may not have had sex since my 17-year-old brother was conceived (let alone had a non-self-induced orgasm).

I am not the only college-aged individual who has recently been asked these unexpected questions by a parent, in regards to their new-found dating freedom. While national divorce rates are falling overall, divorces over the age of fifty have doubled since the ’90s. Parents getting divorced as soon as their kid moves out has actually become quite common. So much so, that some universities are actually asking parents during freshmen orientation to try and make their marriage work for the first year.

While some questions, I have absolutely no idea how to answer (this being “how do you flirt with a guy?” to which I have to respond, “I have no idea mum, I’m a lesbian!”). Other questions have been about topics I can more easily give advice on, but every question has been uncomfortably hilarious and entertaining. It usually seems to start off slow with dating advice and somehow the conversation always ends up back in the realm of sex.

These conversations culminated in one (perhaps drunken) midnight conversation when I ended up telling my mother about a sex toy that she had to buy: The Satisfyer, which I had first learned about when reading Curve Magazine for a class assignment and later went on to buy it for myself— I was not disappointed! The Satisfyer uses air-pulse technology to simulate oral sex, with only a $20 price tag. While we were sitting there, I ordered one for my mum. I thought that she would have forgotten or been surprised two days later when the amazon package arrived; however, I was wrong and she was very excited. When the package came, she snuck off into her bedroom and about 15 minutes later came out exclaiming, “so that’s what that’s supposed to be like!” This elicited a similar long-term reaction to that of Charlotte from Sex and the City when she is first introduced to the rabbit.

If you are in the same boat as me at the moment, in updating a parent about the new wave of dating and everything that comes along with it, my best advice would be to steer straight into the awkwardness. Most kids want to think about their parents as being different from everyone else, which is why conversations like these tend to be so uncomfortable. It may be embarrassing and tricky, but you are sure to make some unforgettable memories and maybe even learn something new for yourself. The truth is, your parents probably sat through some of the most painful productions, the most awkward conversations, countless sleepless nights, and unknown anxieties just for you. So, suck it up and give some real advice— you owe them, and believe me, they definitely need it!