What Dorm Should You ~ReALly~ Live in Next Sem??
graphic by lucinda strol
It’s finally April, which means it’s time for everyone’s favorite awkward conversation starter with their friend group: the housing process.
Unless you’re Miss America or something like that, chances are you’re at least a tad stressed about choosing who to live with next year. While we can’t help you break the news to Stacy that you juuuuust can’t bear living with her, we can help you choose where to live on campus!! Here’s what dorm you should select based on how much you give a fuck:
DELLPLAIN: Aching to hear drunk people screeching on a Monday? Look no further than Dellplain Hall! Known as Booth’s hotter twin, DP is located just 5 inches from Phi Psi (*sigh*), so you’re sure to hear every shitty trap song echoing from their walls! Really comes in handy during finals szn, we promise.
ERNIE DAVIS: If you wanna flex that you’re the rich friend, or at least that you got a hella good housing lottery number, you better move to Ernie. This is the dorm of our dreams. You’re steps away from the dining hall and steps away from a gym to make you feel guilty about all the glazed donuts you ate hungover in dining hall. There are only singles and doubles so your pg will definitely be lame, but you’re close enough to Greek Row to make up for it.
HAVEN: Situated just far enough from campus to be inconvenient, you’re sure to love walking 4.2 miles to the Dome from Haven!! The whole building is built on a curve, which is ideal for that drunk walk home (don’t trip while you’re trippin’). It also has this sick study room that’s said to be the BEST on campus… we haven’t actually been there, but you nerds out there can let us know.
MARION/KIMMEL: You’re just steps away from 2 a.m. Kimmel dining… enough said.
LYONS/WASHINGTON ARMS: If you want to be alone forever and ever and ever, move here. We can’t even find that ish on Google Maps...
SOUTH: If you’re the late friend, you might as well move to South and say goodbye to punctuality forever. Every little move you make is dependent on your new bff: the 344. It serves as a good excuse to be late to meetings, but a pretty bad one when you’re late to lecture for the fifth time this month. Move here at your own risk, ladies & gents.
WATSON: Ah, yes. The only place on campus where you can get cat-called on the way to the library. Watson is where all of the crazy members of Delta Smacka Caca unite to form the biggest, most chaotic dorm on campus. Comprised of four intersecting levels, you’re more likely to get lost in this labyrinth than in Newhouse. Without a doubt, this is the best located dorm so if you got a lil crazy in you, come on down to Watson and let the animal out.
WALNUT: We heard this place is haunted AND a car crashed through one of the rooms this past October… coincidence??