Drake’s “Toosie Slide” Sucks

photo courtesy of @champagnepapi Instagram

So far, 2020 has been the year of Quarantine, Tik Tok and Tiger King. And yet, in the midst of a global pandemic, everyone’s favorite Canadian rapper, Drake, dropped the single, “Toosie Slide,” and wow does it suck. 

The video consists of Drake walking around his luxurious mansion and rapping over the most generic trap beat about his wardrobe before detailing his new dance, the “Toosie Slide,” which goes as follows: 

“It go right foot up, left foot, slide

Left foot up, right foot, slide

Basically, I'm sayin' either way, we 'bout to slide, ayy

Can't let this one slide, ayy”

Clearly, Drake is taking a hint from CLASSIC dances like the “Cha Cha Slide” or the “Electric Slide,” hoping his “Toosie Slide” will be hitting the Bar Mitzvah circuit soon. He then goes on to detail how he “could dance like Michael Jackson” or “give you Thug passion,” but instead, he gave us this dance, which he doesn’t even seem to enjoy. Uhhhh… thanks? Being the quarantine king that he is, Drake chose to adhere to social distancing, by staying six feet away from any energy in his vocal tone or dancing.  

What the dance lacks in creativity, it makes up for in its simplicity, allowing everyone from Lebron James to local white dads on Tik Tok to try out this dance. Indeed, the true purpose of this song is its viral-ability, turning it into an excellent money-maker for Drake. Every mainstream rapper is trying to get their song on Tik Tok and Drake managed to do it… for about a week. 

“Toosie Slide” is nothing more than a money grab by Drake. Its number one debut is further proof that the Billboard Charts are broken and honestly, “Toosie Slide” is everything  that’s wrong with the pop music industry. Time and time again, very talented artists have released mediocre music for cheap payouts due to a great marketing strategy. Now, don’t get us wrong, dances are important to the culture of music in America and these trends are a great way to unite communities; however, they usually do it in a creative and engaging way. 

The Toosie Slide is a low blow for a high caliber artist like Drake. Leave the Tik Tok dance crazes to the Hype House and focus on creating music from talent.

Oh, and stop texting Millie Bobby Brown. It’s creepy 😬