Syracuse Men, But as Winter Drinks
Graphic by Zoe D’Alto
As the first snowfall buries the last leaves of autumn, people trade in their flannels for puffy winter coats and knitted hats, they hang up the premature Christmas decorations, and they crave the flavors of gingerbread and peppermint instead of pumpkin spice. And so begins everyone’s favorite tradition. Dunkin’ Donuts, Starbucks, and every local coffee shop roll out their finest holiday-flavor concoctions, and the masses come flocking.
But what’s a hot, steamy cup of coffee when you don’t have a new beau to share it with? However, a drink can tell a lot about a person, and you want to make sure your partner matches your taste, or else this holiday might leave you with the gross residue at the bottom of your coffee cup.
Just like a Starbucks peppermint mocha, athletes at SU are easy come, easy go. Of course all seasonal drinks are temporary, but there’s something particularly fleeting about the taste of the peppermint mocha. There’s a time and place for them, and just when you’ve gotten hooked, Starbucks gives them the boot. Not unlike Syracuse football players who stay for barely a season before ditching, or that basketball player that hit you up for a whole semester before ghosting.
And who doesn’t love nutmeg with a splash of Wes Anderson? The VPA men are just like a gingerbread latte. They have a sweet exterior with enough spice underneath to keep you interested. But don’t let that film major fool you because after all the sweet-talking and foam, the bitterness of realizing you’re being gaslit into watching your third Quentin Tarentino film this week sets in.
ESF boys are a very specific species of men and not just because they literally study plants for fun. If you can count on them for something, besides “man-splaining” sustainability to you, it’s that their coffee order is just as crunchy as they are. These Chaco-wearing free spirits give fair-trade dark roast energy and will definitely tell you repeatedly that they take their coffee black. Also, their coffee is obviously from People’s Place because why would they miss an opportunity to stick it to “The Man” by ordering their brew from a place that’s not a mega-corporation?
Some people may be surprised by this one, but it’s undoubtedly true. Just like having a crush on a frat boy, ordering a pumpkin spice latte is inherently embarrassing. However, you can’t say you’re not getting what you signed up for. Sometimes, when the going gets tough, it’s okay to stop pretending to like the edgier option and instead go for the basic one. But just like with frat guys, it’s not the flavor you keep coming back for; it’s the consistency. Is hooking up with a frat boy so mainstream that it’s embarrassing? Yes. Is ordering a PSL in the Starbucks on Marshall Street embarrassing? Also, yes. But in an unpredictable world, sometimes it’s okay to lean into the basic-ness and go with what you know.
Bandier majors are sweet but hold enough caffeine to give them an edge that you can only get with an iced chai latte. A less extreme version of the ESF boy, these music-loving people are ~different~ but not in an overbearing way. Yes, you’ll have to listen to their new EP on a loop when you're with them, but let’s be honest, you’ll probably be into it. Just like an iced chai, there’s just enough flavor to keep things intriguing but not too much that you’ll be overwhelmed. They’re relatively mild and don’t have enough caffeine to give you a buzz, but maybe you’ll get an invite to their house show this weekend at the very least.
This season of giving, you have plenty of options to satisfy your thirst, but just remember to ask for a little whip cream on your drink. And ask for it on your partner too because it’s the holiday season.