Cum As You Are
graphic by samantha currier
Booty popped, back arched, tummy tucked, chest up with one single bead of sweat running down your face, passing perfectly positioned “o” lips—this is how society taught us we had to look while having sex with our partners. It is a message that has been sent to us implicitly and explicitly through media consumption, especially targeting those of us who identify as women.
Sex is a divine exchange of raw, unhinged passion between two people. Whether you’re with a total stranger or a long-term significant other, this fact remains true: sex is a form of expression through our bodies, and we should feel comfortable and free as we entangle them together.
No one ever tells you about the mascara running down your face, the damaged blowout, or the fact that when you’re roughing it up in the sheets, you’re not constantly in a picture-perfect position. We’re not saying the perfect back arch can’t be beautiful, sensual, sultry, and all those other things. We are saying that it’s most arousing to unleash yourself wholly and honestly during sex rather than staging your body for what society expects women to look like in bed.
As college students living in the era of red hearts on Instagram and late-night swipe-ups on our thirst traps, it's easy to understand why prioritizing the gaze of others has become so habitual. We are constantly seeking feedback from others by posting content of ourselves for people to comment on and like—and it doesn’t even stop there. Not only are we reading through the comments we get, but we've also all been guilty of Insta-stalking our friends and peers (even complete strangers), to see what kind of feedback they’re getting.
A huge factor in this need to look a certain way while having sex also stems from the consumption of theatrical, nonrealistic porn. It’s all too easy to forget that the people having sex on screen are there because they were chosen by a slew of casting directors and talent managers based on their specific physical characteristics. From there, everything is closely managed. From the lighting to the camera angles, the entire production is centered around making the people on camera look as “perfect” as possible. They do retakes, make edits to the film, and have beauty touch-ups on standby. Nothing about the sex that the actors have on camera is meant for their own enjoyment. They are paid workers doing all they can to make sure the viewer likes what they see.
Having sex was never meant to be this fabricated. Sex is a truth of humanity, and it’s about time we stopped letting expectations get in the way of that. It is most erotic to be engaged in intercourse with someone who is searching for what feels right rather than what looks right. Get sweaty, be loud, fuck up your makeup—who cares! We assure you the person you’re shacked up with wants to see you own every inch of that body of yours. We totally understand that self-acceptance in the bedroom is often easier said than done, but we promise you that practicing owning your power is a vital form of sexual self-care that will lead to more orgasms and better sex.
Imagine yourself as an ocean—vast, deep, ethereal—you have a cosmic connection. Move with the tides, allow for natural turbulence, get swept the fuck away. Do not damn yourself up to make things easier on a novice sailor. Open the floodgates and allow yourself to cum as you are.