Hickey Hijinks
graphic by jenny katz
A hickey (or a love bite) is what happens when you bite a spot on your partners’ body, often on their neck, with enough intensity to burst blood vessels. This leaves behind a purple-ish red-ish bruise-like blotch on your skin that tells a story to anyone who can see it. Some people choose to turtleneck it or pack on makeup, while others wear their hickeys without shame (because there’s no shame in a funky fresh hookup!). No matter how you choose to rock it, hickeys raise one big question: Why do we do this? Let’s break it down.
It all starts with the act of a bite. You’re making out. It’s intense. You throw your head back while your partner nibbles on a sensitive spot right above your collarbone...You get the idea. The first explanation is just that it feels good! Parts of your neck and (obvi) your breasts if you have them are erogenous zones, meaning that having that kind of pressure on those areas can produce sexual pleasure. Some people can even reach orgasm just from good old-fashioned playtime in this region!
The more complex side of hickey culture comes from the biter. Beyond making your partner feel good, what are you getting out of it? More than likely, even if you don’t realize it, you’re marking your territory. There’s something undeniably hot about leaving or having evidence on your or a partner’s body of an epic sexual experience. Especially when you’re not in a monogamous relationship with that neck you’re biting. It can leave you with some smug satisfaction to know that there’s going to be evidence of them choosing you at that moment and giving you their body to be marked as your temporary property (it’s a little primal). So yeah, there is some power and control stuff intertwined with why we give and receive hickeys. Bringing power and control into your sex life is complex and often incredibly rewarding, but requires respect and trust, and the same applies to hickies.
It’s important to establish whether you’re down with hickies, especially hard-to-hide ones, before getting hot and heavy. A neck hickey is way different than a boob hickey. When all parties are consenting and into it, pain can also be a neat facet of this experience. The feeling of letting go of your instincts and letting another person blur the lines between pain and pleasure can be so delicious, especially if you have control-freak tendencies in your non-sexy life (speaking strictly hypothetically, of course). Hickies can serve as a gateway drug into more intense domination, to feel out what you’re into before expanding into something like props or breathplay. Sometimes, kissing isn’t close enough and you want to inhale the person you’re smooching; don’t be shy, resort to vicious neck sucking! There’s a certain vulnerability and intimacy to allowing someone to leave a mark of your sexy encounter on your skin, plus, it gives you a dirty little secret. Who doesn’t love a good dirty little secret? XOXO.