Hard Launching For Queers

photo courtesy of Unsplash

It’s officially October, which means that it’s also officially time for every lesbian you know to get into a relationship for the sheer purpose of being able to put “we fell in love in october” on their fall playlists.

Kidding, of course, but in honor of National Coming Out Day and a personal lesbian crisis, we should dissect the most recent trend in queer history: the hard launch. 

In case you didn’t already know, a ‘hard launch’ is when you enter a relationship with somebody and make it #official over social media. Prior to this post, this relationship has been seriously under wraps, to the point where you’re desperately trying to keep your flirty text messages secret at the bar.  The shock factor is part of the appeal with a hard launch, but there is also something kind of romantic about keeping your relationship only for yourself and your partner. I mean as romantic as sneaking around, hoping no one sees, can get. 

Many queer couples have put their own spin on the trend, using it as a way to both come out and introduce a relationship. A double whammy, some may say ;). 

Coming out by posting about a queer relationship, especially for people who like multiple genders, can honestly be very validating. You don’t have to deal with disbelief from others about your sexuality, as the evidence is right-fucking-there. 

As a girl who is often told how much she “doesn’t look gay,” sometimes I feel that coming out with a partner is the only way people will take me seriously. On the other hand, as a narcissist who thinks her coming out should be about her and her only, the thought of having to include someone else in this makes me want to die a little.

For all of us who are considering entering a long-distance queer relationship and have never officially come out, which may honestly just be a me issue at this point, a queer hard launch seems kind of ideal. Popping out, not only as gay, not only as gay with a girlfriend, but as gay with a girlfriend that nobody has ever met?! I can only imagine the number of story interactions I would get. A girl can dream. 

But, for whatever reason, my life has included lots of masc lesbians with extraordinary amounts of internalized homophobia, who would never be okay with me doing such a thing. 

Which brings us to the most underrated aspect of a queer relationship hard launch: again, you’re not just coming out, you’re announcing a relationship, which means this needs to be a mutual decision.

If you and your partner both want any inevitable drama and attention that a hard launch would cause, then by all means go for it (and I honestly am kind of jealous of you). But if that lifestyle just isn’t for you, don’t feel pressured to follow any trends–just do what feels true to you. Even though, in our opinion, initiating gossip is usually the answer ;)).