Why are we oversharing our relationships?
Graphics by Maria Masek
The human need to document the fascinating and transformative experience of falling in love is nothing new. Some of the most famous artists, poets, musicians, and even philosophers used their romantic partners as muses. Does the intensity of your love mean you should update everyone you know on your “perfect” relationship, through carefully curated Instagram dumps or a TikTok to “darling, won’t you take me home” of you and your partner who have been dating for a month? Maybe not.
Some of the most viral content comes from influencers hyper-sharing their relationships (good and bad). Think of Nara and Lucky Smith posting videos of them grinding up on each other while they try new food. Or the cathartic rants from Madeline Argy about how dirty she was done by Central Cee. It’s entertaining to watch, but it also normalizes hyper-online relationships, which isn’t always the best idea.
Lana Del Rey is the ultimate portrayal of keeping your relationship on the DL. On September 26th, Lana married her alligator tour guide boyfriend just a week after going public. Obviously, we aren't all A-list celebrities needing to keep things secret for safety, but she makes a pretty good case for keeping things relatively private. So, here are some things to consider if you want to give your relationship a go Lana-style...minus the swamp animals and old men (unless that's what you're into).
1. People Talk.
It is inevitable people are going to gossip about the things you're posting on social media, and constantly spamming relationship PDAs is the ultimate way to get people talking. The second you start posting excessively about your partner, it draws attention away from the relationship and into the sphere of public opinion. Call me a pessimist all you want, but the second I see a couple constantly posting each other I’m convinced that their dynamic behind closed doors is not the same perfect Instagram photos I’m seeing—more like an artificial remake of the true thing. And of course that isn’t always the case, but it’s important to consider the second you pull out your phone for social media you are putting on a performance, and other people are going to think that. So sometimes it’s in your best interest to keep things private instead of posting every moment.
2. Who Am I Posting This For?
More than just considering what other people are going to think, it's important to ask yourself: who am I posting for? If the answer is you want your ex to see you in a new relationship, or you want people to talk about how cute you guys are together, you probably shouldn’t post. This can be hard. Posting on social media has become a norm for Gen-Z, it’s almost like a checklist relationships feel they have to go through. And it’s easy to fall into the mindset that people are going to think your relationship is less than because you haven’t posted your partner. Even worse, our feeds are constantly filled with influencers and couples constantly sharing the cute gestures and fun experiences they're having with their partners. It can make you feel unvalidated or feel you must prove something. However, social media perception should never become a source of validation of your opinion on your relationship, because let's be real social media is fake and in the long run does not matter. Consider if the post will genuinely make you happy or if you are just trying to prove something to others.
3. BOUNDARIES!!!!
Not everything should be posted on social media. The number of photos I’ve seen of people straddling their partners, posting photos of them kissing, or sharing their partner's private stories, is absurd. Just because you are dating someone, doesn’t mean you should post anything A) without their consent, B) you wouldn’t want posted of you, and C) that you wouldn’t want your mom to see. We keep our doors locked, and our money in banks, and put passwords on our phones because we want boundaries to protect the things we value. A relationship is the same. We should have boundaries to protect our partners and ourselves. This means, for the love of God, please consider if the things you are posting are too intimate for the internet.
4. 85% of People Experience a Breakup in Their Lifetime
I’m not trying to prey on your downfall with this one, but you and the partner you have plastered all over your social media might break up. We’ve all seen the couple who was die-hard in love, posted each other every second of every day, that broke up and had to do the infamous social media sweep. You don’t want that to be you. In the best case, you end the relationship well and cringe over how in love you once were (kind of embarrassing), and worst case, you are heartbroken and because you decided to hyper-share your relationship you now must relive every moment together and DELETE IT. I’m sorry, no thank you.
5. Trust Yourself
I’m not trying to convince you to never post your relationship ever again, because posting your partner every once in a while, is healthy. And look I get it; you think your partner is essentially the second coming of a young Johnny Depp, of course, you want to gloat your happiness. Just in a world where we’ve hit a peak of over-sharing on the internet, and every day there seems to be a new reason to post your partner—maybe its Valentine's Day, or National Boyfriend Day (you will never convince me that's a real holiday), or its your 3month anniversary – it can be good to take a step back and think about your relationship outside the context of social media. Even in most online relationships, no one knows your relationship better than you and your partner. So, trust your gut, but remember no amount of online PDA will fix a relationship that's unhealthy from within.