This Halloween, We’re Not Playing Straight.

Graphics by Jay Cronkrite

Spooky season has nearly come and gone, and as we approach Halloween night, we have only one question: Where are the lesbians at?

Planning your Halloween costumes is one of the most fun parts of the season, even more so when you have a special someone you plan to match with. But if you’re both women, you’re probably shit out of luck when it comes to dressing up as a canonical couple. 

Sure, you could be Mickey and Minnie Mouse or Rapunzel and Flynn Rider, Woody, and Bo Peep, or Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, but what do these all have in common? (Hint: it’s not that they’re all Disney characters.)

Every time Halloweekend rolls around, queer women in relationships find themselves scrambling and racking their brains for a cute couple’s costume. Walking down the aisles of a Target or a Party City? It’s all Batmans and Catwomans. Scrolling on Pinterest for inspo? Nothing but pretty girls and their mid-boyfriends in the same five costumes. 

So where does this leave us WLW? Does one of us have to be Shrek while the other is Fiona? 

And, we know, gender is a construct, and dressing up as a male character isn’t a huge deal, but we shouldn’t have to.

The amount of lesbian couples represented in media in general is depressingly small; that number gets even smaller when considering which ones of these could actually be executed as costumes (we love you Casey and Izzie, but costumes of you just wouldn’t eat). This leaves us with so few options.  

There’s the previously mentioned gender-bending of a straight couple’s costume, but come on, that’s such a cop-out. Or you could go as some abstract genderless pairing, but I’m sorry, sexy peanut butter and jelly is not it. Lastly, there’s what we usually end up doing: dressing as two female characters who are loosely related by the fact that they’re from the same piece of media. Bonus points if they aren’t together but we really, really wish they were (cough, Villaineve, cough). 

We know there’s so much more work to be done when it comes to lesbian representation, but we have to start somewhere – why not let it be while we celebrate Halloween? So let’s ditch the straight couples’ costumes and look hot while we do it. 

If you’re sapphic and still looking for a last-minute couple’s costume (or even looking for next year), we here at Jerk have some options for you:

1. Catra and Adora (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

• For girlfriends who feed off each other’s bad bitch energy. 

2. Brittany and Santana (Glee)

• Because, let’s be real, there’s nothing gayer than being a Gleek.

3. Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy (Harley Quinn)

• Such an underrated pair, plus, you don’t want to be caught dead as Joker after Joker: Folie à Deux anyway.

4. Agatha and Rio (Agatha All Along)

• Ok, not canon yet, but we all know it’s coming. 

5. Princess Bubblegum and Marceline (Adventure Time)

• Whether you have that “opposites attract” vibe or just different aesthetics, this is perfect for black cat and golden retriever girlfriends.