I’ve Got All These Daddy Issues!

Graphic by Emma Novy

I think dads are either a gift or a curse upon this world. Seeing as Mother’s Day is swiftly approaching, I figured now would be a good time for me to release my daddy issues to the public. I am fatherless, and I am proud!

Being a fatherless person in modern America is tough, especially now that social media is a thing. I get everyone’s perfect dads shoved into my face so often it feels like corporal punishment for a crime I didn’t commit. It’s irritating, but I’m not going to blame my problems on someone's dad that I do not know.

Growing up seeing my friends with dads who would hang the moon for them if they asked made me always feel a little less than. Not that I was completely alone. I grew up with a mom who filled his shoes to the best of her ability, and I give her credit for it every day of my life. We stan Margaret Gugino hard here at JERK. But that didn’t make it any easier. 

I went to an elementary school in the suburbs of Kansas, a cheeky little callback to one of my other articles, which meant we had a lot of really corny events. We had this thing every few months called Breakfast with Dads. I fucking hated it. I remember being one of the only kids sitting there with no dad across from her. My best friend, would let me sit with her dad, who was basically the closest thing to a father figure I had growing up. Thank God for him, big fan of Papa Luke. But after we would all go to class and everyone hugged their dads goodbye, I would go into the bathroom and SOB.

Yes, everyone feels bad for seven-year-old Nina. For me? That was one of the most monumental moments in my life. That feeling of sitting with a dad that wasn’t mine because mine wouldn’t show up was crushing as a little girl. It quickly became the start of my villain arc.

Now, let me ask you this, dear reader. If that happened to you as a child, do you not also think that would fuck you up in a very aggressive way? Might that lead to some potential mental health issues in the future? The answer is yes, it sure as shit would.

I am doing swimmingly. Not only am I doing wonderfully, but I’m not getting half the credit that I should be. I could be running around the streets of Maize with a glock and a crack pipe. But I’m not! Instead, I’m defying all odds and am writing an article about my afflicted issues instead. 

There are millions of young people just like me defying those same odds. We get swept under the rug. Daddy issues are all fun and games for people who don’t really have them. It’s the best bit, the funny song title, an excuse to go try and hook up with older guys who do not like you. But that’s not really what they are. That’s how they’ve been portrayed and written to be by people who have no idea what they’re talking about. It’s so much deeper than that. If your dad refused to buy you a car, that doesn’t mean you have camaraderie with the rest of us.

We’re all doing great. Maybe not all the time, shit, maybe not even most of the time, but we’re still doing better than our deadbeat dads. Some days can be worse than others. If you are still friends with him on Facebook or don’t have his number blocked, this is your sign to do it. Because fuck that loser!

You’re a great kid, and doing the best you can under the circumstances that you’ve been placed in. Remember that! I love you, and I’m proud of you.

Sincerely, your new lesbian father figure <3