Keeping a Sex List: Slutty or Smart?

By Kelsie Testa

Everyone obviously has a mental list of people they’ve boned, but what are the benefits of putting it down somewhere else?

Experts say that when you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with every person they have ever slept with before. If that is the case, a list is a good tool to really map out your path of slutdom. In fact, it might even be comical. You might find out the slampiece you are currently banging got it on with that fat, hairy beast you thought was attractive only after a game of Edward Fortyhands.

Several close friends of mine keep lists of some sort detailing with whom they have hooked up. Some are as simple as a cleverly disguised Sticky Note on their laptop, while others keep full-out accident reports of their bedpost notches including time, place, body parts touched, and even numerical ratings, graphs and whether or not a repeat performance is in order.

Whether it’s a post-it, a cleverly disguised Word Document or a very public Twitter list, sex lists are helpful for many reasons.

1. Health reasons: Keeping a sex list maps out your accomplishments, but it also could help when figuring out if it was that rando on Spring Break that gave you crabs or not.

2. Tool of personal sexual exploration and growth: Everyone is curious and aware of their sexual feelings, and a list is a great way to validate your inner desires and figure out exactly what you want and need.

3. Emotional disengagement: As someone who has been involved in some encounters that others may classify as meaningless or wrong, I’ve realized that a Naughty List helps keep you from getting hung up on the sex partner. Whether your gut reaction was “Yeah, that happened. It might not have been a good idea,” or “Hot damn let’s do it again,” writing it down allows you to put space between the act and the emotion. A sex list could assist you when reflecting on the logistics of the situation of the hookup, and mentally move forward.

As far as parameters for measuring what “counts” and what doesn’t, that is a personal decision. In my mind, if there was P in V action, it counts, even if you didn’t finish, it was a one-night stand or it happened in the back of your parents’ van when you were seventeen.

But whatever you have to do to keep your list at that ideal number, well, that’s your call. As a close friend often reminds me, “Once you get to a certain number, it’s extra slutty if you don’t remember. If you can say that you remember every single one, you’ll preserve a little bit of your dignity.”

So, if a list is simply a means to take the guilt out of slutting around, or as a means of sexual discovery, it’s important to remember where you have been and who you have been in.