Lowdown On The Get Down

So, I feel really weird about admitting this, but I always get a little turned on when I see my cat staring at me, no matter what I’m doing at the time. I don’t care either way if other people look at me! I know this can’t be normal, but I don’t know what to do.

Everyone has at least a hint of a sexual fetish. You just happen to enjoy being the star of the show. Whether it’s masturbating in the kitchen or getting cozy with your boyfriend, you’re aroused by the idea of your cat watching. And I can assure you that he’s pretty curious about all the grunting and heavy breathing, too. I’m sure he’s also infuriated, and therefore, jealous that you had his balls chopped off.

It seems like you’re mainly concerned that this arousal will get out of control. Unless you let it, you probably won’t have sex in the middle of a crowded intersection or in the checkout lane. Instead of fearing your fetish, embrace it and change it up. Try leaving your cat out of the bedroom and instead picture him outside the door, interested and dying for a peek. Or perhaps set up mirrors and try looking at yourself going at it. If it still doesn’t seem the same, take a trip to your neighborhood Hallmark store and invest in a cutesy cat calendar for the bedroom wall. Whatever you choose to do, if you make sure that it’s safe and practical, I can guarantee you will not be disappointed.

I’m a freshman living in a dorm. My boyfriend and I have managed to rock the long-distance thing and he’s finally coming to visit. But I can’t remember the last time I’ve shared a twin bed! How do we have sex in such a small space?

After a long dry spell, the first sight of your beloved (or even your fuck buddy) usually makes you want to jump head-first into bed — that is, unless your bed is a foot wide. If potentially getting caught makes you hot, feel free to christen the elevator in your dorm, empty desks in dark corners of the library, or your local computer lab/studio/darkroom/woodshop.

If, however, you are absolutely determined to make the tiny dorm bed work, there are things you can do to make it more enjoyable. First, clear textbooks, CDs, and dirty laundry off the bed. This should almost double the available space on the average college student’s dorm bed. To avoid the awkward ouchies, make sure you have plenty of pillows to form a buffer between your heads and the walls. Try edge-of-bed sex, either with you on top, or you on the bed and him kneeling on the floor. And remember: dorm sex is a lot more fun when you break the bed. I still have a metal peg from a dorm bed my man-meat and I broke. Just don’t come to me with the bill when you move out.