Sex Lowdown

The lowdown on the get down by Sandy Johnson

The idea of giving blow jobs makes me shudder, but I’ve been dating this guy for a few months and I decided to give it a try. I closed my eyes and just dove in without really knowing what to do. I thought anything “happening” down there would make him feel good, but after two minutes, he made me stop! How can I make it more enjoyable for both of us?

Giving head can be like sitting in the front row of a rad movie: your neck gets stiff, your eyes tear up, and by the end, the entire experience seems like a waste of time. There is another way, but only do it if you want to. Don’t let any guy make you feel like crap for not wanting to cram his genitals down your throat.

That said, never “just dive in.” Tease your man a little by kissing his chest, legs, and stomach, just long enough for him to get antsy. Then, grasp his penis at the base with one hand and start licking only the head, especially the frenulum, the ridge of skin that connects the head with the shaft. With your free hand, gently massage his balls. After a minute, envelope his girth entirely with your mouth. Take as much as you can at a time, building a steady rhythm. If you can’t deep-throat (who can without feeling like they are going to gag, anyway?), just use the hand that was gripping the base to cover any ground your mouth misses. As you suck, use your tongue to trace the main vein that runs down the penis. Spit or swallow: it’s your call, as long as you’re safe. And remember to make him return the favor.

My girlfriend is incredible in the sack, but there are three to five pesky days every month when she’s out of commission. As gross as it might sound, “that time of the month” is actually a turn-on for me; but whenever I try to make a move, she says it’s too messy. How do I convince her the mess is sexy without coming off like a total freak?

It is very possible your girlfriend won’t be the least bit interested in sleeping with you during her period, no matter what you do. If that’s the case, you’ll have to lay off. Many of us simply do not feel sexual when bloated, bleeding, and in pain (hard to believe, right?). If your special lady feels the same way, your only option is to grab her a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and wait it out. But, if you heed the wisdom I am about to impart, your girl just might let you ride her crimson wave.

Despite the bad rap the monthly cycle gets, it’s not all bitching and chocolate, and some girls love doing the deed while on their periods. Put a soft, clean towel down on the bed beforehand and have tissues nearby. Start out with a massage -— don’t half-ass it —- and then make your move. Don’t plead or fumble; be gentle and attentive, and keep it sincere. Also, remember what you’re getting yourself into. It would be an incredibly bad idea to start humping her brains out, only to decide five minutes in that you’re grossed out. It will hurt her feelings and create a rift that could last even after the flow subsides, leaving you S.O.L.