Sex Scandals
The only thing that comes close to the pleasure of having sex is hearing about the sex everyone else is having. And who better to divulge their dirtiest, naughtiest, most sexual scandals than the rich and famous? Since the time of the original celebrities (the Greek gods, that is) to the famed red-carpet Hollywood of today, common laypeople (when they’re not getting laid) have found nothing better to do but gossip about the juiciest news of the stars. Most recently, it’s little Britney and Bitch Ph.D., and tomorrow, who knows what sex tape will be all over the Internet? It all started long before you even knew how babies were made.
Greek Mythology Although he was king of the gods, Zeus must have had a bit of a self-esteem issue. When he decided he wanted to get it on with Leda, a beautiful mortal woman, he seduced her in the form of a swan. She got pregnant with twins Helen and Pollux. Helen would one day set the whole Trojan War in motion. Gives new meaning to the term “birdbrain.”
Renaissance Period If the Catholic Church thinks its priests are a problem today, they probably forgot about Pope Alexander VI, who ruled from 1492 to 1503 and conceived an illegitimate daughter with one of his many mistresses. That baby grew up to be Lucrezia Borgia, who aided her father and brother in the domination of Italy during the Renaissance. Men favored Borgia because of her flaxen hair, but she was no dumb blonde. She was married off to (and had affairs with) several high-powered men, who often wound up dead; their power was transferred to Borgia’s family.
Elizabethan England Britney isn’t the only one who lied about her virginity. Queen Elizabeth of England was referred to her entire life as The Virgin Queen because she never married, but she was far from innocent. When she had her affair with Lord Dudley—one of many in her time—Dudley was married. But he must not have been too happy, seeing as he spent the majority of his time with the queen rather than with his ill and dying wife. But his wife’s disease wasn’t progressing fast enough for Liz and her man; her death was expedited when she was shoved down the stairs, rumored to have been pushed by the happy couple.
Early America Thomas Jefferson did nothing during his presidency to abolish slavery. In fact, he may have proliferated it. According to the rumor mill and backed by DNA testing today, Jefferson fathered at least one child with slave Sally Hemmings. Fatherly “love” may have been the motivating factor when he freed all of Hemmings’ children, but the President Papa kept Hemmings as a slave and, probably, a concubine.
Hollywood’s Heyday If silent actor Charlie Chaplin were alive today, he might have something to say—to a judge. Back in 1918 when Charlie was 29, he married and had a son with 16-year-old child actress Mildred Harris. But for Chaplin, one kiddie wasn’t sweet enough. He divorced Harris and, at the age of 35, married another 16-year-old, Lita Grey. Another divorce, several affairs, and one paternity suit later, Chaplin decided his current record of age difference with his partners wasn’t quite impressive enough. He more than doubled his standard when he married 18-year old Oona O’Neill, who was just 36 years his junior. That’s like Hayden Panettiere and Richard Gere tying the knot.
The 1970s In 1978, director Roman Polanski fled the country with a major sex scandal on his tail. Polanski was charged with raping 13-year-old Samantha Geimer after she posed nude for him at a Vouge shoot. After pleading guilty to a lesser charge of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor, Polanski hopped the pond to France to escape arrest in a more sexually liberal atmosphere. And we thought seeing Miley Cyrus’ naked back was scandalous.
Hollywood Today Nowadays, you can’t find a good porno on the Internet without first bumping into some celeb’s steamy sex tape. Everyone’s got ’em, from Verne Troyer to Paris Hilton, and you can’t help but wonder if it’s a clever new PR tool. If it’s not a sex tape, it’s a Disney starlet sending naked pictures to her barely-pubescent boyfriend, or a handsome leading man cheating on his leading lady with a prostitute or nanny. These sexcapades have been happening since the beginning of time and the Internet makes sure we instantly hear all about it. But we can’t help but wonder: what would we find out if we looked in your boudoir?