A Film Review on Hao Wu's "All In My Family"
photo courtesy of imbd.com
All In My Family is a documentary that explores the ways in which traditional cultural practices, that have been around for thousands of years, come into conflict with progressive changes happening in society. The film is presented from the perspective of a gay Chinese-American named Hao Wu, who is also the film’s director, writer, and producer. The soft smile on Wu’s round face is one of a man who’s reached the ideal of western life. But things have not been easy for Wu along the way.
As the only male descendant in his Chinese family, Wu was expected from a young age to get married and have children. And he has done exactly that—just not in the “traditional way.” His family, who have always held deep traditional beliefs, are confused and angry when he eventually does come out to them. Two to three years later, they are shown still coming to terms with their son’s identify.
When Wu and his partner travel to China with their two children to meet the rest of his family, shit hits the fan when the clueless—and I’m talking old white grandpa who thinks the five girls in your Insta pic are all your girlfriends clueless—extended family start finding out Wu is gay. Pressed with this revelation, the family must decide whether they themselves will accept Wu’s modern family and also if they will introduce everyone to the even more conservative side. And, spoiler alert, they do—well, for the most part.
Everyone soon finds out who Wu truly is, except for his grandfather. Wu reveals he didn’t want to hurt his feelings, as he would likely never accept Wu in his entirety. In fact, Wu decides to not come out to any family members over 80, hinting that they’re simply unable to change their way of thinking. In 40 minutes, Wu successfully conveys exactly what it means to be gay man from China. As such a topic is extremely heavy and emotional, Wu inserts quirky snippets of his family yelling and screaming. And, let us tell you, although these moments are sad, they’re also hilarious.
For example, when talking about himself, Wu’s father states, “In my family, I was the only one that went to college. The two of you [Wu and his sister] went to even better schools. I feel my life hasn’t been a...complete waste.” Well, shit. We feel that though. At one point, Wu’s father states that, “a speedy death is the ultimate happiness.” Damn.
Enough said.
There’s also a clip of Wu’s “little” aunt shouting, “I don’t want to talk about my daughter. Wait, let me talk about my daughter.” We all have that one family member.
Although social attitudes have improved in the past decade with activism from the transgender community and a growing acceptance amongst younger generations, many places still have cultural pratices normalizing homophobia. Countless LGBTQ+ individuals in dozens of coutnries suffer from regular bullying and homophobic violence and language. There are still 13 countries and 71 where same-sex marriage is illegal. where homosexuality is punishable by death Because, you know, apparently people have nothing better to do but hurt other people.
When asked to talk more about life and family in the United States in contrast to China, Wu spoke about the struggle that developing nations face in embracing modern beliefs.
“When the film started screening on Netflix, I got a lot of responses on social media from people in developing countries, like Latin America, the Middle East, and especially in Southeast Asia, right,” Wu said. “Also, in China too. I think it’s all cultures that are still quote on quote more traditional and are still trying to modernize.” Wu explains that in many situations young people in these countries face a conflict of wanting to assert individuality but in doing so face a hurdle of tradition.
As a result, their identities are hidden and never discussed with anyone. They’re too scared to come out for various reasons. Many fear that their families will never understand or accept them. Many also fear the ramifications coming out could have on their careers. With these horrors in mind, some decide it’s best to stay quiet and keep their preferences hidden. Could you imagine keeping your desires to yourself? It’s hard for us too. It would be a sad world if we had to bottle up all our feelings...and memes.
When asked about whether he finds it easier to come out to strangers after going through such an emotional process with his family, Wu explains he’s not afraid to be open in public. However, he adds that he believes we all must uphold America’s liberties. He says he strives to come out to more and more people in China to prove homosexuality is normal and OK.
“It doesn’t bother me anymore,” says Wu. “It’s just, they don’t accept their own issues.
But, I do feel like in America we have to continue in order to protect it, right? I mean, we’ve made huge progress. So, I came to the U.S. in 1992 when being gay was still not as accepted as right now. But, I’ve seen the change. But, I do feel it’s very precarious, and we need to protect it. In China my philosophy has been every time I go back, I need to come out to some more people.”
People tend to forget that as conservative as America is in certain regards, there are cultures in the world that have far more restrictive practices. And the low number of American’s acknowledging the struggles of other nations and engaging in international activism have stalled the momentum towards reforms of protections and rights for the LGBTQ+ community. Who knew there’s actually more than just America?! What? The sun, the stars, the planets and moon don’t revolve around the US? Wu doesn’t advocate for people to not come out to their family or visa versa, but rather gives them simple advice to live by: “Find [your] own way,” “Be who you are,” and “Find happiness for yourself.”
We couldn’t agree more.