Uggs are Making a Comeback?
photo courtesy of shuttershock.com
It’s the fall of 2009. The leaves are changing and there is a chill in the air, foreshadowing a long and dark winter. Snuggies are all the rage. Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift just had their devastating break up (sorry to reopen closed wounds, but who breaks up with someone over a 27 second phone call???). In short, the world is in turmoil. And in the midst of the chaos, an intruder begins to sneak its way into the fashion world. A suede, beige, fuzzy monster that somehow manages to weasel its way into department stores and your mother’s wallet. As for the name of this relentless imposter, masquerading as a fashion trend? Uggs.
Fast forward 10 years later and Uggs have once again wormed their way onto the feet of girls everywhere. From middle school instagram baddies to elites like Kendall and Kylie Jenner, no one is safe. Have we learned nothing from our past mistakes? From the pain and horror we faced over a decade ago? Apparently not. The only good news is that, this time, Uggs have taken some new forms in a commendable effort to keep up with modern day trends.
First we have the “Desert Dream Patent Slingback.” The name is just a tad misleading for the sole reason that these shoes are no dream, they are a nightmare. The inspiration for these shoes comes from the colors and design of Salvation Mountain in Niland, California. The shoe is supposed to be a blend of “pastel hues with soft Toscana and shiny patent leather to mirror the desert mural’s eclectic beauty,” but unfortunately, we just don’t see the resemblance. Do you recall there ever being fur on Salvation Mountain or in any desert that ever existed? Yeah, neither do we.
If you find yourself craving more fur for your feet after the desert slingback, fear not! The “Fluff Fest Sandal” is just what you need! 2 Just the name is enough to send shivers down our spines. Now normally when we think of sandals, we think of warmth, summer, the beach. So why would you want to slip your sweaty, sandy feet into sandals made of fur?? Consider us truly baffled. Honestly, there is no occasion in which these would be even remotely okay. They’re just straight up impractical.
If you didn’t think things could get any worse, think again. In perhaps the most horrifying collaboration to ever exist, BEHOLD: The Y/Project x Ugg XL boots. 3 To put it nicely, these thigh high boots are a crime against humanity. There is no one, I repeat NO ONE, who could ever possibly make these boots look good. They make your legs look ten times bigger than their original size, and all of the folds of the beige suede just look uncomfortable. Also, who is paying a total of $1,397 for their legs to look like they’re encased in the fat rolls of a dehydrated rhino? No disrespect to all the rhinos out there, you’re doing amazing sweeties.
To be fair, we’d be lying if we said we didn’t own a pair of uggs in the past. Elementary school us loved strutting into school with a pair of Ugg boots on our feet, feeling superior to everyone else whose mothers did them a favor and refused to buy them a pair. However, like low waisted jeans and tracksuits, some things are better left in the past. Do yourself a favor and do not participate in the resurrection of Uggs. They’re in a better place.
2. https://www.ugg.com/women-sandals/fluff-fest-sandal/1099947.html#start=31&cgid=women-footwear