How Queer Eye Killed Off-White

Dear Queer Eye,

That’s it. You’ve killed the Off-White™ for me. And yes, if you deeply stalk my Instagram you will see me tying my high-waisted pants up with a yellow industrial belt. Not Off-White™, just a $20 knockoff from that store in the back of that mall. You know the one. But that’s fine, designer or not, industrial was in. Key word was. But Tan, you ruined it. You fucking blew it, actually.

courtesy of Queer Eye on Netflix

We all appreciate a three tie skinny boi, but not with the industrial look. NOT THE INDUSTRIAL LOOK WITH AN OVERSIZED SWEATSHIRT???? Listen, I can get over the fact that Karamo does nothing. He’s the culture expert but he spends five minutes of screen time talking about surface level shit for a min. #lit #therapysesh #culture!!

courtesy of Junkee

And I can get over the fact that Jonathon just does too much all the time. AND I can get over the fact that Antoni is there just to show someone how to microwave their organic, gluten-free pizza bagels, but I cannot and I will NOT get over the THREE TIE OFF-WHITE BELT™ WITH THE XXL SWEATSHIRT.

So please, Queer Eye, do us all a favor and stop trying to be so relatable, so cultured, so stylish!!!

Damn, such a tough read, I know. But HONESTLY, they deserve it. An awful, tragic moment in modern TV history. I am shaken. I am taken aback. Scarred. But I still have to finish season two episode eight, so I will try to resurrect my sanity for just one more makeover.

Love,

Jerk