11 Things I Wish I Knew Before My First Time
photo courtesy of unsplash / becca tapert
My first time having sex was exciting and awkward in an adorably innocent way. However, I had no preparation, and there were some tips I wish I had received before, especially since no one really knows what they’re doing their first time. Admittedly, that’s part of what makes it so thrilling, but these tips will help you know what to expect and limit those awkward moments.
1. Female Condoms Take Practice
I did it, I’ll admit. I was young. I was naive. I obviously did not know shit about what I was doing. TLDR: It felt like I had an entire trash bag shoved inside of me. It ended up on my partner numerous times, so if you want your first time to be even remotely sexy, just know that female condoms can quickly turn from contraceptive to slimy plastic bag if you’re not careful. It’s no surprise the female condom was invented by a man because no woman would have made something so difficult to use.
2. PEE AFTER. PEE. PEE. PEE
My sister got a UTI after her first time, and it completely ruined the experience for her. Play it safe, use a condom, and relieve yourself afterwards just in case.
3. Don't Let Expectations Get To You
It may seem as though everyone else is doing it, but that’s simply not the case. Your first time will be better when you feel ready, so take your time (or not) and decide what feels right for you.
4. It’s Not Life Changing
Some people say they feel a strong connection to the person they have sex with for the first time, and that’s great. If you’re getting serious with someone, it can definitely feel like a big step emotionally and physically. However, to others, sex is nothing more than a physical activity. Your life and you as a person don’t have to change. If you ask me, I’m the same piece of shit I was before I did it.
5. It Doesn’t Have To Be Painful
It hurt a lot my first time, which is a common experience for many people, depending on how high your pain tolerance is. However, if your first time feels more uncomfortable than pleasurable, it’s a sign to slow down, get some lube, and carry on.
6. When In Doubt, Wait
In my opinion, having sex for the first time is most comfortable with a person you trust. My partner and I even cracked some jokes, which honestly made the experience less scary and awkward.
7. Talk About It Beforehand
This way you and your partner feel more comfortable and prepared. I’m not saying set a specific time or date, but make sure the other person is ready and you know what each other wants.
8. Know Where Your Clothes Are
On the off chance that you’re left feeling more than a little vulnerable, you’ll want to put them on immediately after. Also, if you’re in an abandoned cabin with no heating, I promise you’ll feel pretty chilly shortly after.
9. You're Allowed To Be “Bad” At It
It’s your first time doing it. It’s a learning experience. No amount of online research can prepare you well enough for you to do anything perfectly. In fact, too much research has prompted a few of my friends to chicken out because they feel too much pressure for everything to go smoothly. You learn by doing. Doing a lot of people.
10. DON'T WATCH PORN AS RESEARCH
Or the movies for that matter. They’re inaccurate. It is not supposed to be magical like the movie After. Don’t be surprised if you feel awkward. Like I said before, this type of shitty research can set unrealistically high standards.
11. Check In With Yourself
Keep asking yourself if you’re okay with going further and be honest about it. If you’re not OK, tap out. You’re allowed to take back your yes. Also, your partner should be checking in with you too. The more communication, the better. And most importantly, remember that consent is sexy!