Stop Hitting on Waitresses

graphic by Ande Wittenmeier

“Man, that waitress is hella cute. Maybe I should ask for her number because the few moments we were together told me everything I needed to know about her.” 

If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard that line. 

As a waitress in the restaurant business, I have been hit on more than my fair share. One of my most memorable moments was when someone’s dad hit on me for him. Unfortunately, you did read that right. 

The father and his family came in to celebrate his son’s twenty-third birthday. It started normal with drinks all around. The sister kept commenting on my looks and even ended up taking a photo with me. I was surprised by her kindness and thought nothing of it until the father started to talk to me about my favorite alcohol on the menu. Nothing I hadn’t heard before, though. I said I was twenty-one and did not know much, but I loved vodka. 

And of course, he sees this as an opportunity to ask if I am single! I fluttered out a “yes” and he immediately started to tell me how pretty I was. I was very uncomfortable and left as soon as I could. When I came back, he made it clear he was not trying to hit on me, but that he was trying to hit on me for his son! HIS SON. 

After another round of drinks, the family gets up to leave. The dad pulls me aside and starts selling his son to me. I mean the whole nine yards: he is in college, great grades, his own car, and a career. I did not know what to say, but then he pulled his son over too, and he told him to give me his number. This man who knows nothing more about me than I am single, twenty-one, and loved vodka, wanted his son to go on a date with me. What if I’m a sociopath? I guess the nice ass would be worth it. 

A waitress, regardless of gender, is subject to the endless line of creeps who want to hook up because you gave them a small smile or because you accidentally touched them when trying to take their card out of their sweaty hands. Working in a restaurant can be very rewarding if you know how to work the system. A downside to having a kind, friendly face is you are bound to be hit on… by all types of people. 

Moral of the story, your waitress is not looking for the love of her life when she comes to give you some damn breadsticks.