The Boy Next Door: Why Dorm-cest isn’t the Best Option

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There is something almost primitive about being attracted to the boy next door. We’ve seen it in television shows and in films, but now you’re actually experiencing it first-hand. It’s the day of move-in and you spot him: the most average-looking boy you’ve ever laid eyes on. But he’s different, he lives on your floor (*swoon*).

At first, you may consider how convenient this little arrangement could be. The person you’re sleeping with is right next door or a quick elevator ride away. You can easily roll out of bed, sniff yourself, decide you smell, “eh, good enough,” and knock on their door. Alllllll in the span of five minutes. Gone would be the days of Ubering to your sneaky link’s off-campus house. Say goodbye to the shameful south campus bus ride that takes way longer than you expect it to. Walks of shame are way less shameful when they take thirty seconds.

But be warned: dorm-cest is like playing with fire. 

It’s convenient, until things inevitably end. Then it jumps from flirtatious eye contact in the elevator to horribly awkward interactions that make you wish the stairs weren’t so difficult to endure. Don’t even think about eating in the dining hall alone, because if you do, they will definitely emerge out of nowhere and catch you in the equally embarrassing and sad act of eating alone. And double-awkward if your former fling actually lives on your floor. I hope you’re athletic, because get ready to sprint from the bathroom to your room in a towel just to avoid them seeing you half-naked and wet… again.

Let’s say you don’t follow our advice (thanks a lot). You end up in your neighbor’s twin XL bed and it doesn’t work out:

First of all, don’t panic. Things don’t have to be awkward if you don’t let them be. Listen, there’s a time and place to be petty about a failed talking stage, but the corridors of Day Hall aren’t ideal. So, if things don’t work out with the boy next door, keep it friendly. Keep it ~cool~. Prove to them that you are more mature than they think… and then make sure he sees your next hookup leaving your room next weekend.

Even if it rubs every fiber of your being the wrong way to produce a friendly wave, swallow your freaking pride, girl. Thirty seconds of small talk in the elevator isn’t going to kill you, but eight flights of stairs just to avoid him might. Oh, and if he moves on, consider investing in a good pair of ear plugs. Dorm walls are frail but your ego is frailer.  

So, before you scream yes to dorm-cest, think about all its potential downsides. It’s hard to avoid someone you live in the same building as. Next time you’re paying for that 1 AM Uber or waiting in the freezing cold for a trolley that will never come, just remember it could be worse. “I could be fucking someone on my floor.”