I was Holding the Door, Not Asking for Your Hand in Marriage

Graphics by Sara McConnell

Class was long and the quiz was hard. I had to practically run to my next class. I hurriedly swung open the door and held it for the person behind me. I felt a second weight on the door and planned to continue on with my uphill journey. I began to walk away when I heard it:

“I have a girlfriend.”

When I turned around, there was a guy right behind me, staring like he wanted money.

“Sorry?” I asked.

“I have a girlfriend,” he repeated. “You don’t need to hold the door for me.”

I will save you from the end of that horrifically painful interaction. Since when was being nice and holding the door an act of interest? After speaking with numerous people about possibly one of the oddest conversations I have ever had, and hearing others’ stories of men boldly misconstruing niceties, I had the realization why people are having such a hard time dating and befriending the opposite sex.

Have you seen a Tinder or Hinge profile of a man recently? The pictures are blurry, far-away, filtered or from a weird angle. The bios are even worse. Sometimes texting people is either horridly boring, disgustingly sexual or quickly goes from a nice conversation to radio-silent. How is there a layer under rock bottom? How can the bar continuously drop and people still find a way under it?

Before we criticize and go into the “not all men” rhetoric, please hear me out when I say – of course, it’s not all men. I know people who are very happy in their relationships, and I also know people who are having a great time on their dating apps. However, I guarantee you that people on dating apps (particularly straight women), have multiple examples of ridiculous interactions with men.

There was a joke that was told to me many times my freshman year: the love of your life isn’t at Syracuse University. This isn’t true for all people, but I’d say it’s true for most. I’ve had such a hard time making meaningful connections with the opposite sex, and when I attempt to modernize the way I talk to people (i.e. dating apps), I find that they are used as a catalyst for more painful, awkward interactions.

I know I’m no saint. I’m not the perfect image of flirty, likeable, and dainty, which seems to be the ideal woman for some. However, when I am simply holding the door for someone so it doesn’t slam in their face, and it is interpreted as “love me!”, it becomes harder to give others the time of day. We could all do better on dating apps and in person. Stop being so off-putting, take better pictures, and don’t assume I want you because I was kind.