Christmas Makes Me GLEEful!
Graphic by Téa Sklar
It’s that time of year again, Jerks! The snow is falling, the tree is light, and I am all over the Glee Christmas episodes like white on rice. Every year I have a tradition of sitting my ass down and watching every Christmas special that my favorite show, Glee, would put out. Some of them were cinematic masterpieces. Others… we’ll get to it! I’m going to go ballistic on this ranking. Warning: none of these opinions are subject to change.
IN DEAD LAST: “Glee, Actually” (Season 4 - Ep. 10)
All in all, it’s not terrible? Half of it was pretty funny, and the other half is extremely forgettable. My standards for this show are insanely high. After the original Glee members graduated, I grew an extreme distaste for the newest members. Kitty pisses me off, Marley is annoying, and Jake was lowkey a sleeper baddie but nobody is ready to talk about that. Although the concept of the episode was cute, taking on a parody of the hit Christmas film “Love, Actually”, it ends up falling flat. No story is really fleshed out except Marley and Kurt. Sue being the secret Santa and breaking into Marley’s house and giving her mom money for eating disorder treatments (not Glee referencing my other JERK article, okay!) and gifts, it did give my cold, dead heart some sweltering joy. The “Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah” song was an absolute hood classic. Loved that one, but “Feliz Navidad” had me hating every thing about Christmas. That’s pretty typical with most Glee covers. I either love them more than life itself, or it has me questioning if God is real.
Next up: “Extraordinary Merry Christmas” (Season 3 - Ep. 9)
Okay, look, I get this one is all about the messaging of what Christmas is all about. But I don’t give a shit when watching Glee. I’m watching this show to laugh and listen to some banger covers. We all should know at our grown ass age that Christmas is all about family and being thankful for what you have and where you are, okay? It’s all pretty clear as you get older what the true meaning of the holiday season is. But for once, I felt like Rachel Berry. Just read “Frosty the Snowman”, you small Irish elf. The best part was undoubtedly the homage to the unaired “Star Wars Holiday Special”. As a huge Star Wars fan, I thought this part was really funny. To say that was the only good part is kind of unfair, but it really is just an opinion thing. I love all of the Christmas episodes as much as the others, but the people need an honest review!
Shockingly in second, I have: “Perviously Unaired Christmas” (Season 5 - Ep. 8)
Right? I know. Nobody likes this one. But something about it really just makes me laugh so hard. It’s increasingly problematic, and I think the annoying part of me likes it? Not that they’re “poking fun” at the nativity scene and what not – but I think it was kind of funny. “The Chipmunk Song” performance is actually a favorite of mine, simply because of how ridiculous it is. And that’s what I’m looking for when watching Glee. You don’t turn that show on to see wholesome messaging and unproblematic things. You watch it to see stupid shit that should’ve never been on TV in the first place. The more insane the better. If it’s not mildly offensive, then it’s not really Glee, is it? Every true Gleek can attest for that one. This is one of my hottest takes on the show, and I get why people disagree with me. However: I do not care. Becky acting as the baby Jesus, Santana in that incredible elf costume, Unique giving birth to Jesus. It was just so disastrously perfect. Nothing more perfect has ever been done…
…except for their masterpiece: “A Very Glee Christmas” (Season 2 - Ep. 10)
Dude. When I tell you that I rewatch this episode monthly, not even including the month of December, I’m not even being dramatic. This was Glee’s perfect episode. Every single song, every plot line, all of it was magic. Sue being the Grinch? I pissed my pants. Finchel singing one of my favorite holiday songs, “Last Christmas” in a Christmas tree farm? You can’t get a better cinematic experience than that! “The Most Wonderful Day of the Year” is by far the best musical number that they did in this season. In general, season two was just full of incredible bangers and episodes. The way that the club was at their lowest in school, getting their shit stolen from them and trying to cut off their hair and sell their watches to get themselves Christmas decor for the club room is just so good. I love every part of this episode. They’re all great, as I said before, but something about this one holds a special nostalgic place in my heart. The song choices are wonderful, the stories are fleshed out as well as connected to the character archs that they were building in episodes before. The writers popped off with this one, and the work they put into it really paid off.
Happy holidays, Jerks! Wishing you all a happy and healthy holiday season! <333