JUST DO IT (ALONE)

Art by Sophia Chen

Picture this: you found an event online. It sounds really fun. You send it to your friends, but none of them can go. If you’re like me, you abandon the plan altogether.

I did this for years. Skipped concerts, missed museum exhibits and turned down opportunities because I couldn't find someone to come with me. Then, last summer, I had the idea for a backpacking trip through Central Europe. All of my friends were busy with work or internships, so I had a choice: spend the summer filled with regret, or go alone.

I went alone. And those six weeks taught me more about myself than any group trip could have. We need to destigmatize doing things solo— especially for women.

Pop culture has spent decades telling us that being alone is something to be pitied. Remember Carrie Bradshaw's struggle trying to eat alone in Sex and the City? Or the countless rom-coms where a woman dining solo gets the sympathetic "just you?" from a hostess? Even Mean Girls reinforced the idea that popular people travel in packs—being alone at lunch is social death.

The message is clear: if you're alone, something must be wrong.

But where does this stigma come from? According to licensed psychotherapist Sharon Kossman, our discomfort with solo activities might be a generational issue.

"Children haven't had that experience of that lack of monitoring and independence," Kossman said. "It's a generation that's been raised with always having some sort of connection with people, in companionship with people, and then to be launched out into the world and to do things independently—there can become a bit of a barrier because of that."

This stigma hits women particularly hard, and Kossman is quick to point out that safety concerns are real, not imagined. Women are raised with keys between their fingers, constant awareness of their surroundings and the knowledge that being alone in public carries risks men don't face.

But fear doesn't have to be paralyzing. While safety concerns related to solo travel or experiences are valid, they shouldn’t stop you from going. Having a healthy awareness of natural dangers and taking precautions is all you can control.

For me, that meant doing some research. I read up on which neighborhoods not to walk alone in after dark and which hostels were safe for female travelers. Was I pickpocketed in Brussels? Yes. Did I survive? Also yes.

What I gained in exchange was worth the risk.

In Wrocław, Poland, I spent an entire day searching for all of the city’s gnome statues. In Berlin, Germany, I went on a last-minute bar crawl with people I had met five minutes prior. In Cologne, I abandoned the walking tour I had signed up for in favor of some thermal baths a local told me about.

None of this would have happened if I traveled with a group. We would have compromised, negotiated and rushed to accommodate everyone's interests. That's not a criticism of traveling with others—it's just a different experience.

Going solo allowed me to be fully present in what I was doing. It was all up to me, and it was truly liberating to dictate exactly how my day was going to go.. We would have compromised, negotiated and rushed to accommodate everyone's interests. That's not a criticism of traveling with others—it's just a different experience.

Kossman argues that this is why solo experiences are so valuable. They allow you to be fully present and mindful during experiences in a way that being with a group doesn’t.

"You can enjoy the experience on all your own terms and give yourself quiet time and space within your own psyche, your own mind, to fully process and absorb it," Kossman said.

Our society tells us experiences are better when shared, when we can bounce them off someone else who had a parallel experience. But that's not necessarily true. Solo experiences aren't less satisfying just because no one else witnessed them.

Social media has only made this worse. Kossman describes our online lives as "very performative," constantly reinforcing that group experiences are more valuable than solo ones. Even when solo activities do appear on our feeds, they're framed as "novel and brave" rather than normal, which only reinforces the idea that doing things alone is somehow unusual or requires special courage.

I received that sentiment a lot during my travels as well, having strangers tell me “I wish I could do that,” or “Wow, you’re so brave” when I explained what I was doing. The thing is, everyone can do it once they push past the initial nerves.

“The first time somebody goes out and does something alone, it'll be uncomfortable,” Kossman said. “Then the more you do it, you’ll gain that comfort and see how important it is.”

This applies to situations beyond international travel. You don't need to backpack through Europe to reap the benefits of solo activities—you can start small.

Kossman recommends beginning with activities where you can "parallel exist in society," like grabbing coffee with a book, visiting free museums on campus or taking yourself to Thornden Park with a journal. Places where conversation isn't required, where you can be around people without being with people.

I'm not arguing that we should all become hermits. Spending time with friends and family is important, and it is very possible to swing too hard in the other direction. Balance is important, but so is being comfortable with yourself.

So next time you find something you want to do and no one can join you, go anyway. Buy the ticket. Make the reservation. Take yourself on that adventure.