Graphic by Chris Brainoo
The modern dating scene is such a mess we can’t even call it that. Call it the we’re-not-labeling-this scene, if you must. Among “situationship,” “slink,” “exclusive noncommitted hookup,” and a dictionary's worth more, everyone seems to be avoiding a traditional relationship. But why? We asked several students who are living label-free about the pros, cons and everything in between.
All Interviews are from real Syracuse University students who asked Jerk to remain anonymous.
“Dell Alulu”
Freshman, she/her, straight
Oh, the Welcome Week situationship. Except, this isn’t a situationship. Dell and her man (well, not her man) agreed to keep it casual. How's that going for her?
Jerk: What made you say a hard no to a label?
Dell: “I think the fact that we're not in a relationship is also a way for me to kind of shield myself from potential heartbreak, like getting too committed, getting too invested and then being sad about it.”
Jerk: What would you change?
Dell: "I feel like with a label, then that type of thing [not getting a text back] wouldn't concern me as much because I would know like, okay, he's not just ghosting me."
Jerk: What's stopping you from moving on?
Dell: "As soon as it stops bringing me joy. And it starts, it starts making me freak out or like panic or whatever, then yeah, then I will consider moving on. Marie Kondo that shit."
“Ben Efitz”
Junior, he/him, straight
This is not Ben's first rodeo: two casual relationships in two years. How's the stamina?
Jerk: Would you find yourself in that situation again?
Ben: "Would I? Yes. Would I want to be in that situation again? Probably not. But I think it's something that, when it happens, I don't think you go into it knowing that's exactly what it's going to be."
Jerk: Thoughts on sneaky links and friends with benefits?
Ben: "I think it's a very half-assed way of making something low commitment. … When I was in these sneaky link situations, it's like if you got left open on Snapchat, it was like the end of your life, right?"
“Cas Ual”
Junior, he/him, gay
Cas is the veteran of the group. Juggling men doesn't scare him. Settling down might.
Jerk: Why does friends with benefits work for you?
Cas: "I don't want to be bogged down with anything, which is kind of why the friends with benefits situation kind of works well for me, because like I don't really need all that commitment right now."
Jerk: So why keep going?
Cas: "I'd rather have someone that I have a connection with than just have nobody. … It's nice to be wanted."
Jerk: Do you prefer the friends or the benefits aspect more?
Cas: "I’m gonna say benefits. I have my other friends anyway. I would say, I value friendship a little bit. It's definitely an aspect."
Much like Dell, Ben and Cas, we're still figuring it out. Maybe the label-free life is a slow burn, or maybe it's a comfortable option that protects our hearts from getting too invested. But one thing is for certain: dating isn't what it used to be, kids.