Let's Go, Girls! Happy Women’s History Month!
Graphic by Téa Sklar
March is coming to a close, ladies and gays! That means two things! March Madness brackets of doom and despair, and women’s history being at the forefront of everyone's minds. We love women here at JERK, myself especially. My favorite thing to talk about is all of my favorite baddies. So, let's go through my all-time lineup, shall we?
It’s gonna be a numerical list once again, so just work with me. All of these women are equally incredible and all deserving of love and affection this month!
1. Hailee Steinfeld
We knew she was gonna be my top dawg. Hailee and I go way back. From when I was a small girl watching Pitch Perfect 2, watching her absolutely bomb the riff-off, I knew it was fate. She was always the queen of my heart and is now the queen of my city. Buffalo needed her the same way Gotham needed Batman, and the way Metropolis needed Superman. She may not wear a cape, but she sure is an unsung hero to me!
2. Alysa Liu
Another obvious pull if you’ve seen my TikTok reposts in recent months. Is she single-handedly bringing back whimsy and joy to sports and being cringe and carefree? Let’s just say, I was intrigued. Then I got into the interview rabbit hole, which is when I knew it was a downward spiral from there. Her unapologetic authenticity on the ice and the artistry in how she skates are nothing short of incredible. That type of love for your craft that can carry you to the Olympics, literally just for fun, and come back with TWO gold medals? Legendary shit. The one thing that made me feel patriotic in the past year. (In case she’s reading this, call me! x)
3. Amy Poehler
My SNL icon and weekend update GOAT! Amy has been killing it for years and has proved that she’s not taking her foot off the gas anytime soon. Her podcast has my dream blunt rotation on it almost every week, she’s in movies, and she is STILL hosting Saturday Night Live (with my pookie Role Model). Poehler is one of my favorite comedians and will keep that title for a very long time, based on how she’s been moving. All I’m saying is I can learn how to be a podcast producer for you at any time, girl! Let me know!
4. Amanda Seyfried
Of course, Sophie Sheridan is on my list. Who the hell do you guys think I am? I have seen this woman in person twice in my life. Once on the Kelly and Mark Show, then the next day on the Kelly Clarkson Show. Both times were followed by many tears. Amanda is a living piece of Hollywood history. Her voice, her acting range, her dry humor in interviews, it’s all monumental. I am a long-time fan and minor hater, because why can’t she just give me Mamma Mia 3? Amanda, PLEASE.
5. Tobin Heath
If we’re starting the conversation of generational athletes, Heath is at the top of that conversation. Recently retired and globally feared, Tobin is one of the players I looked up to as a young player. She is resilient and fierce, funny and talented. This woman is just monumental in the world of soccer. Her legacy is undeniable, and her impact will never be forgotten on the game. The entire retirement ceremony made me cry very hard, and I will miss watching her play!
Lastly, you, dear reader!
All of our female readers deserve a shout-out today! You are so incredible and so beautiful, and I hope that all of you know how much value you bring to every relationship in your life. Your time is a privilege, your presence is a gift, and I am so grateful to be alive at the same time as all of you.
Right, that’s all I have, tune in next time to see what fuckery I think to write of next! Love ya! x