5 Ways You Know You're Getting Older
By Emma McAnaw
Remember in high school, when you first started looking into colleges to apply to and everyone would ask that unavoidable and horrifying question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Back then; that question was annoying as hell and you wished you could have answered, “Mind your own damn business.” Well now that’s all we want someone to ask us, because it’s suddenly assumed that we’re (brace yourself) growing up and magically have our shit together. I know, how rude. But if you take a second to consider, we are at least on our way to maturing past the mortifying freshmen we once were. Here are five ways you can tell you’re starting to grow up (emphasis on starting).
1. You reminisce about “the good old days.”
It usually happens after a particularly rough night out, or a hard day of classes. We hide away in our beds, and stalk our Facebook photos from freshman year. What could be more refreshing than looking at sloppy pictures of you, dressed in a tacky outfit, falling over friends in a dirty frat basement? When your professors have the audacity to assign you work and you’re under constant pressure to “figure out” what the hell you’re doing with your life, nothing seems more appealing than returning to your freshman year of constant partying, with your biggest problem being the recent pounds added to your ass (thank you, beer). But remember that there’s a reason no one is meant to be a freshman forever. First, all that excessive drinking and the poor decisions that follow (like walking home alone at 2 a.m.) would eventually kill you. But also who wants to be that fucking stupid for the rest of your life? It’s for the best that you somehow survived and learned a thing or two.
2. You discover your major isn’t actually in napping.
Where the hell did all of these responsibilities come from, and why are they interfering with your nap schedule? You know you’re getting older when you choose to meet with your professor, or perfect an assignment over squeezing in an hour-long nap. I know it’s shocking, discovering your body can indeed handle being awake for a full day without retreating to your bed in between classes. Or at least it can when pumped full of caffeine. Staying productive and alert all day seems inhumane right now, but this will prepare us for when we’re forced to pretend to do something in a cubicle from nine to five. Telling your boss that you have a very important nap schedule will most likely not end well for you. And if it does you might want to reconsider how legitimate this “job” really is.
3. You stop saying “this isn’t real life.”
The belief that ”college isn’t real life” is solid proof that ignorance is bliss. Turns out that you don’t just magically turn into this functional human being when you graduate, like you were hoping. Instead you have to learn at least some lessons from your experience in college, like if you skip every single lecture you will not be able to bullshit your way through the tests. Rumor has it that this is the same in the real world, when you have a job. Bullshitting your way through life apparently became unacceptable once we decided the future of being a hobo wasn’t all that appealing. College is all about experimentation (not like that, you pervert). Pay attention to what works and what doesn’t, like going out before your 9:30 a.m. exam. You’ll be thankful you remembered this when you don’t have to keep the garbage bin next to you during your next job interview.
4. You are no longer hell bent on going out.
Staying in on a weekend night used to feel like the ultimate “social suicide.” Friends would actually become annoyed at you for having the nerve to study for your final instead of joining them in their quest to black out. Before, you might have caved and went out despite the impending doom that was 30 percent of your grade. Now, hopefully you’ve learned that a pounding headache and two hours of sleep is not the best formula for success. This school allows you the opportunity to party your face off at least four days a week, that’s more than half of a school week. At the risk of sounding like your mother (The horror!), staying in one of those nights will not affect you in the long run. And if you ace that test, now you have a reason celebrate, Wednesday classes be damned.
5. You actually look at your bank account.
That suspiciously low number that shows up on your receipt every time you take money out? That’s your bank account, or the thing your parents are always lecturing you about. You know you’re starting to get old when you buy your alcohol based off of price, not taste (I said we’re starting to grow up, I didn’t say we had to completely rule out partying). Eventually your parents will stop thinking of you as their precious offspring and more like a leech if you keep asking them for money every week. Until we’re forced to solely rely on our own, most likely minimum wage, job keep choking down that Barton’s. You’ll be glad when you don’t have to stay in because you currently have $5 (CHARLOTTE: check AP style on how this should be written.) in your bank account.