7 Ways to Spot a Syracuse Cheater
After a few weeks into our freshman year, we realized that Syracuse isn't exactly the ideal place to find a soul mate. So we settled on finding a reliable and trustworthy hookup, which also proved challenging. Over the years, we've established some recurring problems — so don't say we didn't warn you.
1. He's wearing a lax pinny and isn't on the lacrosse team. Perhaps it’s their nicely toned bodies or their mesmerizing daily attire – grey sweatpants and orange hoodies – that keep Ugg-clad girls coming back for more. Exception to the rule: when they’re in front of you in line at Kimmel Taco Bell at 3 a.m. on Saturday. Go for it. (Click here for our college bro breakdown.)
2. She looks too hot to be studying at the library on a Tuesday night. The wind, rain, and snow have never stopped ‘Cuse girls from trekking down frat row or Marshall Street. But they know (or, we hope they know) not to risk hypothermia by wearing a super-short skirt and heels – that is, unless they’re trying to get some. Chances are, if she’s not bundled up, it’s all about to come off.
3. They can’t hang out on Fridays because of class. The only people who have class on Fridays are either engineers or freshman. If your hookup is neither, they’re probably lying to you to free up some time. Something tells me that big “test” on Friday afternoon is more of an oral exam.
4. You spot him actually picking up some condoms on Healthy Monday. The condoms from Schine are free because they suck. So if you catch him stuffing his backpack, he’s probably too cheap to buy the expensive kind for two girls at once. If you’re the one stuck with those shitty excuses for protection, dump him. Never settle for a boy who won’t splurge on Her Pleasure.
5. More often than not, they’re belligerent and aggressively forward. They’ll use the “drunken mistake” excuse to justify their hookup that “didn’t mean anything.” Steer clear of the sloppy drunks.
6. They avoid exchanging digits. Even after a night of steamy tantric sex, a cheater will never ask for your number. They already have multiple partners to text throughout the day. They don’t need your number, and probably won’t talk to you again. (Unless the sex was really great.) That said, if you ask for their number, he or she will find a way to coyly avoid doing so, like saying they'll see you at the bars later that night.
7. They have to go to The Daily Orange house late at night to edit an article. If they actually do write for the D.O., you should probably just break up with them.
Okay, so there might be a belligerent drunk who works at the D.O., has class on Fridays, wears lax pinnies, doesn't ask for your number, and picks up condoms at Healthy Monday who ISN'T a cheater. We're just saying that the probability is highly unlikely.
Your surefire ways to identify a cheater? Comment below.