A Stroll Through The Wonders of College


Ah yes. October is here, unequivocal proof that it is almost fall and school's been in session a while.

Step outside your overpriced, mediocre off-campus apartment and take a breath of the fresh Syracuse air. Do you smell that? It’s the smell of the last days of freedom before you are bound to Bird Library for the rest of your semester—and a hint of day old vomit.

The sun is shining and you tie up your Adidas superstars to get your butt to class! A 20-minute walk to Falk is no sweat especially when the weather has yet to hit groundbreaking negatives. But don’t fret! It’ll be essentially criminal to make this same walk in November.

On your way to class you will have the privilege of witnessing a variety of scenes only shocking to those not acclimated to #collegelife. A couple blocks in, you come across a romantic kiss shared between a young woman wearing the same hooker heels she presumably wore last night and a grimy looking man with a backwards hat. She stumbles away and turns to blow him another kiss but finds her lover has already sped down the street committing at least four traffic violations. Who says chivalry is dead?

You continue onward and lift your face to meet the warmth of the glorious sun. All of a sudden something comes soaring through the sky and collides with your warm cheek.  You open your eyes to find a red solo cup by your feet in front of you, with no explanation of where it came from and how it hit you. Classic.

A century later, you arrive with a scraped cheek and walk into your CFS 365 class to find your best class friend huddled over her desk. “What’s wrong Lucy?” You ask, moderately concerned. Lucy looks at you with a ghost like face, and neon pink eyes, and for a second you think she actually could have risen from the dead. She explains that she not only has strep but also a double ear infection and pink eye.

“Go to health services!” You exclaim as you move your chair a safe four feet away from her.

Poor little Lucy tells you that she already went to health services and was told to take two Advil for 6 hours each, and to get some good rest! Evidentially, her case isn’t severe enough to warrant the precious yellow absence pass.

The rest of your day goes pretty smoothly, ignoring your four panic attacks and seven urgent calls to your mother.

You finally make your way home and collapse in your creaky bed. You look at your phone to see you have a snapchat from Chad, that guy you met in the Lucy’s lot, and you drift asleep dreaming about the glamorous life you Chad and your four children will have.