An Ode to Boy Bands
Somewhere between R-rated movies and sneaking into our parents’ alcohol stash, we were all expected to downgrade our unfiltered enthusiasm to nostalgic Buzzfeed posts and “Dirty Pop” karaoke... but it isn’t nostalgia if you never outgrow it.
Hello, my name is Ashley, I’m 21 years old, and I’m (still) addicted to boy bands.
Despite my traditionally “good taste” in music, there’s something about mediocre dance moves, coordinated ensembles, and a decently composed pop song that really speaks to the tween in me. Naturally, when One Direction released their latest studio album FOUR this past Monday, my immediate reaction was one unfit for public display. I can only describe the sights and sounds that transpired as a series of slow motion fist pumps and crying Kim Kardashian gifs. We’ve got a lot to be thankful for, especially when it comes down to the revival of the boy band craze. Here' a breakdown of a few gems you should take note of:
1. One Direction
The Boys: Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan
The Band: As much as people like to pretend One Direction’s isn’t hot shit, a new album drops, hearts stop, and we’re all reminded of how untrue that is. Their vocals have grown a lot since 2010, along with fan girls’ obsession.
The Song: “Where Do Broken Hearts Go”
The Boys: Jake Roche, Charley Bagnall, Lewi Morgan, Danny Wilkin
The Band: Essentially the Spice Girls of modern boy band-dom, there’s a Rixton boy for everyone. PG-13 lyrics and a superior vocal edge make them decidedly less shameful than most of the other groups on this list. It also doesn’t hurt that they do a killer cover of Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison.”
The Song: “Wait On Me”
3. 5 Seconds of Summer
The Boys: Luke Hemmings, Michael Clifford, Callum Hood, Ashton Irwin
The Band: Adorable right? The most talented, (and possibly shame-iest) of Australian boy bands. I’m pretty sure 5SOS couldn’t put out a bad song if they tried. “18” is more than a song bound to make you feel a little uncomfortable — it’s also the current age of the band’s lead singer.
The Song: “Kiss Me, Kiss Me”
4. The Vamps
The Boys: Connor Ball, Tristan Evans, James McVey, Brad Simpson
The Band: The Vamps are Britain’s answer to the equally young 5SOS. Based on haircuts alone, we may as well dub them 50 Shades of Bieber, but their freshman album will convince you to give them a chance, I swear. So what if you have fillings that are older than they are?
The Song: “Can We Dance”