Boys Just Want to Have Fun

Time to expand your toy chest

After delving into the sensual realm of female euphoria, I dedicate this column to all you sexually playful, experimental gay men out there. To do this, I’ve strayed from practically all I know about my own gender’s sexual preferences and asked around to get the gay male perspective on what products work wonders for the prostate and anal areas. I then enjoyed browsing the darkest corners of the Internet and checking out these toys for myself.

Finally feeling equipped, I’m now setting out to endorse your revolutionary views on gay men’s sex toys. Boys, this one’s for you.

There’s probably nothing quite as comparable to romping around in the sack Brokeback Mountain style. But if you’d rather pitch than catch, no sex toy comes as close to the real thing as Fleshlight, which comes in the form of either a vagina or anus (the original found here). Disguised as a flashlight, the Fleshlight fits right in among your regular apartment or dorm room objects. But as soon as your roommate heads off to class, it transforms into a simulated incubus of sexual delight. Just lube up, insert your penis into the fleshy opening and move the toy around with your hand to achieve a pace and feel that’s right for you.

You can even make your own if you’re feeling creative. This dude made one out of a “Hot and Spicy” Pringles can. Not even kidding, folks. Once you pop, the fun really just don’t stop.

Once you graduate from the toy’s orgasmic pleasure, try the Pink Stealth Vortex, an advanced Fleshlight with spiraled chambers on the inside. Ask your partner to control the depth and speed for you, and you’ll moan like a diva in no time.

If you prefer to stay on the receiving end of anal ecstasy, visit one of the most popular online adult stores since 1995, and peruse through their endless list of anal and dildo products. For those who want to keep it small, anal beads can offer a variation of fun experiments in the sheets. These little “power balls” slide in and out of your anus, sending waves of pleasure through your body. Try the vibrating beads, as well, and let your partner control the intensity as he tugs the little rungs in and out of you, notch by notch. Admit it – you’re quivering already.

But if size matters, lay off the balls and take your pick of any silicone or cyberskin dildo instead. One surveyed student recommended the Ron Jeremy simulated penis. It took me awhile to find what he meant, but I’m pretty sure this is it. If you can get past the porn superstar’s disturbingly outdated mustache and ‘do that’s sure to sit right on the front of the box, little rivals the size of this dick.

And if even that’s not freaky enough for your tastes, don’t worry. God made animals so we could mold sex toys out of them. Check out’s “unnatural” page and choose from a twisted assortment of oddly-shaped dildos and dongs, some of which resemble members of the animal kingdom, like the scorpion, serpent, cobra, octopus, and even the horse. Now you can literally bring wildlife into your home and tear it up beneath the sheets.

Only you can figure out what works best for you and for your partner. But once you do, you’ve got a seemingly endless world of options to pick from, guys. If I were you, I’d buy myself a toy chest and go exploring.

Have fun!