Carpool of Shame
Yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like
I can’t say the catcalls from the construction workers outside of BBB didn’t have me in stitches, and I know most of us certainly aren’t in the mood to face a tour group of parents and prospective students when we look like hell. Therefore, I bring you – the Carpool of Shame. I’m not talking about DPS coming to pick your ass up.
The wonderful women of Syracuse University have crafted a new initiative to get your best friend home and out of their creative, barely there, costumes. It goes a little something like this: If you’ve been hooking up with a guy for a while now, most likely your weekend routine is down pat. You mingle at a party, get a little drunk, and then find your hook-up somewhere down the line, and end up at his place, where you get down to business in his bed that is hopefully bigger than a twin. And every morning, you say goodbye and head back to your dorm or house to wash away the stench of Keystone and the jello you somehow managed to get in your hair.
What if, though, instead of making the solo walk, you walked out the door to find your friends all piled up in the car, hung over, and indeed wearing last night’s outfits?
Chances are you aren’t the only one in your group of friends with a steady hook up. Don’t think I don’t know about the ritual Sunday morning breakfasts at Ernie Davis in which stories are hashed out, comments are made on sexual performance, and maybe even a few sausage analogies are discussed.
With this student version of the Shuttle-U-Home, the (sorry to say) unfortunate one who didn’t get so lucky that night, heads out to her car and schleps all your asses home. Hell, you don’t even have to know the guy whose house you slept over, as long as you have an address, she’ll be outside with a smirk on her face, knowing you’re just the first stop. Now before you bring your friend over to freak out about how you guys should start doing this, there are a few guidelines! Car Pool Ladies: Remember, your friend is doing you a favor so give them at least a five minute heads up before you want to leave. There’s nothing worse than sitting outside of a house for 30 minutes wondering if your friend is tangled up in another morning extracurricular.
Driver: Before you head out, you better be equipped with a hoodie for yourself. There’s nothing worse than having your friend’s hook up walk out unexpectedly seeing you, up at the crack of dawn, busting your friend out of morning after jail. Also, please be ready with a change of clothes, especially if you’re all going to grab breakfast afterwards. Forget Ernie Davis. Stella’s Diner provides better food, anonymity, and stale coffee. Could there be a better hangover cure?
And for effect, you should definitely decide on a Carpool of Shame playlist. Nothing like rolling out of your hookup’s house to the sounds of AM radio right? Some suggestions provided for the ultimate exit are: Like a G6, Bulletproof, Fuck You, Dynamite, and Bottoms Up.
No need to thank me!