Ditch the Stache and Be Yourself
By Maya Kosoff
It’s short. It’s hairy. And it fits perfectly under your nose. That’s right: it’s a mustache, and in keeping with November’s notorious no-shave theme, these little guys seem to be popping up everywhere—and not just on dudes’ upper lips.
A simple keyword search on the website of the eternally trendy and tragically hip fashion emporium Urban Outfitters boasts 29 products associated with the word ‘mustache,’ among them: a mustache mug , a mustache pillowcase set a set of ‘fingerstaches‘, a talking mustache keychain, a giant (and remarkably impractical) mustache car magnet, and even a ‘bikestache’ for your favorite eco-friendly, two-wheeled contraption.
Additionally, online t-shirt superstore Threadless offered a challenge this fall. In honor of 'Movember', the month right before winter that commemorates the mustache and all that it encompasses, Threadless fans and customers were encouraged to design a tee inspired by ‘mustache culture.’
Don’t get me wrong—I love facial hair on my dude as much as the next girl. But as far as I can tell, this so-called ‘mustache culture’ is being overtly inspired by the very industry peddling mustache goods. I have friends who will buy anything if it has a mustache on it because they think it looks cool.
And maybe it does, in a kinda lame and ironic way that I would have enjoyed more during my brooding early high school years when I worshipped Steven Chbosky’s "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and did all my shopping at stores like Journeys and Hot Topic. You know, things that you thought made you unique but actually placed you into a pretty specific stereotype, along with every other equally lame fourteen-year-old in America.
But who’s convincing these kids that certain trends are cool in the first place? Oh right, businesses like Fred Flare and Modcloth —the same establishments spewing trendiness back at you with a pretty hefty price tag on it. And they’re going to keep profiting as long as they can keep convincing you and every single one of your trendy, fashion bandwagon-hopping friends that something hip and cool is worth buying. So yeah, today it’s mustaches—but tomorrow if they start selling random shit with pink yard flamingos on it, will you snatch up a mug, keychain, and socks because it’s kooky and cutting edge and that cute little vintage boutique in Williamsburg is selling t-shirt prints of it in every color?
I don’t know about you, but that’s not enough for me anymore. What is cool is individuality and a sense of self-identity. So put down your overpriced mustache ring, your mustache car antennae, and your mustache frisbee that were all mass-produced for thousands of trendy middle-class American teenagers. Pick up something that really defines you instead—and if you can’t buy it in a store, good. You’re worth way more than that set of $275 obscure, hand-printed balsa wood mustache business cards anyway.