Dorm Room Get Downs: Taking advantage of the small space

By Lindsay Dolak There are few abodes more humble than the dorm room. With its average surface area of 10 by 15 feet, the dorm room

has little room to share with its inhabitants, especially after you add two beds, two dressers, and two desks to the equation. But what’s more frustrating than not having space to spread out your work materials and pretend to study? Not having space to get it in. We’ve all been there. The beds barely even fit you and your beloved Build-A-Bear, so how are they supposed to accommodate you and your hopefully well-endowed hunk of the evening?

The answer is taking advantage of the landscape and here’s how:

1. Get out of bed

Your mom’s been yelling this at you since your senior year of high school and it’s about time you started listening! Those beds are tiny, the mattresses are thin and lumpy, and missionary makes the springs creak. Have your man sit on the edge of your bed and then climb aboard. Straddle him as he holds you on his lap. He’ll enjoy it because it’s a close cousin to the classic girl on top, but your bodies are closer and he’s deeper. I don’t know too many guys who would complain about that and if they do, the only thing their dicks deserve to be deep in is one of their Nike Dri-Fits.

2. Use your study space

You know, Syracuse University is nice enough to provide you with those fine pieces of musty furniture called desks and you should show your appreciation by using it for work as much as possible. And by work, I mean the kind that will really make you sweat. There are few better positions than ones involving you sitting on a surface with a man standing in between your legs. He still gets to control the motions so his ego is getting stroked as well as his penis and you get to feel like you’re in a super sexy porn scene.

Bonus*: The desk isn’t the only furniture you can turn into a sex toy. “During foreplay one time, the guy picked me up and sat me on my dresser. The height was perfect so he could go down on me while he was standing. Just had to bend at the waist a little,” Rachel, a sophomore, said. “It was glorious.”

3. Stand up and stretch your legs

Or should I say spread your legs? Those dorm room walls don’t have to be restricted to holding up pictures of you and your friends in slutty clothes on the weekends and your “Keep Calm and Drink On” poster. What are walls really for if not supporting your hot and heavy sex sesh? If you’ve never been pinned against a wall, it’s incredibly sexy and highly recommended. “A girl in between me and a wall with her leg on my shoulder? Few things are more beautiful than that,” Christopher, a junior, says. It can be a little awkward to coordinate at first, but with a little practice—and who wouldn’t want to practice that?—I’m quite sure it’ll be a new favorite and a definite go-to in no time.

There’s really much more surface area to take advantage of in your jail cell of a room than you might initially see, and once you get started with your erotic experimentation you might not be able to stop. So here are a few inches of surface area you should avoid:

• The carpet. Three words: rug burn scars.
• Desk chair. These chairs are not as sturdy as the trees they came from.
• Common room couch/other school-provided community furniture. You weren’t the first, you won’t be the last and that’s not an old stain from some spilled Easy Mac.
• Your roommate’s bed. Do you want to sleep on sheets soggy from the fluids of someone else’s fantastic round of fucking? Neither does your roommate.