Dude, Where's My Fracket?
Between all nighters in Bird library, date night season, not dropping out of school to run away to a monastery and spend the rest of your days as a nun, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. You might feel lost. Who are you? Why are you here in this frozen hell? What happened to your dreams of being warm?
Amidst the hopeless desolation, one beacon of light shines through: your fracket. A fracket, or frat-jacket, is always there for you (as long as you don’t lose it). And even if you do, it’s alright, because it’s just a fracket.
Frackets are for people who have self-respect and want their bodies to remain above freezing temperatures. They have even more respect for their $450 winter coat. Nobody’s walking around campus calling their Burberry trench or Canada Goose a fracket. At the same time, you can’t show up to a frat in your everyday jacket and expect to walk out with your ID, phone, and key. Furthermore, smelling like a giant used joint in statistics from the aromas your coat absorbed isn’t fun for anyone.
You need a fracket. Whether it’s an old jacket that you’re ready to take a risk with or a steal from Forever 21, get your hands on something that can stand a hearty party. Because when the Andre is gone and all your friends left with that guy they think is “in their geology… er, geography class last semester, it’s fine,” your fracket will be there for you at the end of he night.
Just because everyone else has an undistinguishable black fracket, it doesn’t mean you have to go with the flow. Try to find a fracket that is flattering, smudge-proof and somehow unique. If to you that means it has a yellow lining around the collar or a unicorn horn on the hood, that’s your business. When it’s last call and you’re ready to bounce, you’ll want to know you’re going home with the right fracket.
Don’t get attached because the love story between a girl and her fracket never ends well, but before things go south, love your fracket for what it is. Take care of it to an extent. When you’re at a frat, find a brother you know and trust to store your fracket in a locked room. Stick it on the top shelf of a closet in Marathon and push it all the way back until your trashy baby is safe. Ask to stow it away in a friend’s bedroom or behind a hidden door at a house party. It’s basically a large purse that you wear; so don’t intentionally put it in harm’s way.
Show your fracket a little love and it will never let you down.