Effortless Posts: Facebook Birthday Posts

By Ashli Truchon

One hundred and four people wished me a happy birthday last year—on Facebook.

Yes, I counted. And to be honest, I really only cared about five of these virtual salutations. But those five were from the friends who took the time to call me, so my wall got blown-up for naught. A night of rallying means far more than a “happppy birthdaaaay” with an insane amount of exclamation marks after it. Just FYI: more marks at the end of a sentence does not mean you care that much more—it means you didn’t know what else to write.

I want to know when wishing someone a happy day of birth in person went out of style. Remembering over 600 of your Facebook friends’ birthdays defies the rules of memory and strips the effort of any real intimacy. Gone are the days when a stack of birthday cards awaited us on our special day.

Under my bed is a red cardboard box filled with all the tacky animal cards from high school friends, birthday wishes from distant relatives, and even the sweet nothings from ex-boyfriends. It takes effort to pick out a card, write something personal, or—God forbid—make a card. It means someone actually thought about you before your big day—not just because Facebook told them to. In the end, all the half-hearted wishes are merely entangled in the reel of cat videos, roommate rants, and pictures from the birthday blowout my real friends threw for me.

Call me old-fashioned, but the first guy that gives me a personal birthday message—card, hug, phone call—hell, I’d even take text message—might be my future husband. I’ll even make it Facebook official, then wait for the congratulatory wall posts to roll in.