Facetuned Fetus Breaks Internet
Look, we get it, there’s “important” news that you should probably be paying attention to, like America’s political system going to shit, or that global warming is about to turn the world into one big Avatar-like Fire Nation.
KHLOE KARDASHIAN FACETUNED HER FUCKING BABY. WE WISH THIS WAS A JOKE.
Khloe, the youngest of the Kardashian sisters, decided to wild tf out last week and Facetuned her newborn baby, True.
In other words, the simulation is glitching. IT’S GLITCHING GUYS.
For you ~uncultured~ readers, Facetune is a photo-editing app primarily used by teenage girls that are insecure about their appearance (no tea, no shade lol). The photos are then posted to Instagram with a “clever” caption, followed by 30 comments from the girl’s friends, all following the lines of “yassss” and “wait you’re perfect” “omg can I be you?”
Facetune contains features like smoothing, teeth whitening, and a “reshape” tool that just moves the picture around in an attempt to make you look skinnier (?).
We totally get wanting to whiten your post-wine-Wednesday stained teeth so you look like you brush your teeth regularly, but seriously, who the fuck edits their six-month-old baby?
As a Facetune veteran, it appears that Khloe smoothed True’s skin and whitened her eyes in an attempt to make her newborn more “presentable” for Instagram, because who doesn’t love a Facetuned fetus?
Does anyone else find this a little unsettling, and frankly, quite creepy? How shitty of a human do you have to be to see flaws in your newborn’s face that need to be “fixed” by an app? Smh.
Also, please try and tell us True doesn’t look absolutely terrified in the picture, even without the editing. The pose conveys “loving mother-daughter relationship,” yet the eyes scream “please help me.” Major mixed messages.
Also, since the Internet never forgets, it’s important to note that this isn’t the first time a member of the Kardashian-Jenner fam has Facetuned an innocent bystander.
In 2014, matriarch Kris Jenner took a seemingly ordinary photo with Gordon Ramsay, a forever favorite.
Cute, right? An iconic duo tbh.
Yeah, that was until Kris posted the same picture to HER Instagram account.
LMK WHY GORDON RAMSAY LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WAX FIGURE THAT GOT LEFT OUT IN THE HEAT. Yet another case of unnecessary face smoothing; we love a history lesson.
So basically, the Kardashians know no lines and will come for your imperfections no matter what, even if you came out of their womb.