Food for Your Mood
By: Lianna Hursh
Human beings rely on three basic essentials for survival: food, water, and shelter. Now, lets play a game: fuck, marry, or kill. Okay, fuck water, kill shelter, marry food. That was hard, (not).
Some people honestly do eat solely for fuel; although that’s the intention with food consumption, it’s not the normative. No normal human orders a Big Mac thinking, “this should fill me up very nicely”. Food not only fills the empty void in our stomachs, but also the one in our hearts. Pretty sure Noah said that in the Notebook? No? Okay, you’re right, maybe not.
Eating for fuel is boring, but luckily, with all the crazy, delicious dishes people have come up with, we can eat for recreation! So, choose your food according to your mood– it’s the best way to eat your feelings.
Indian food. A definite go-to if you don’t want to get laid for the next five months. There’s no better way to ward off a pervert than by smelling like dead animals and curry. Ever wonder why there’s no Indian restaurant on Marshall Street? That’s probably because they stuck it on the creepy corner across from CVS. To top it off, the owner named it ‘Samrat”. Sounds appetizing, right?
Chinese food. The ultimate hangover cure. Let’s think logically for a second: if you filled your body with legitimate poison last night, you might as well continue trashing it. Do you honestly think water and aspirin will actually do the trick? Advil may work on the persistent pain radiating throughout your entire body, but it won’t fully satisfy you– unless there’s a dumpling hidden inside.
Sushi. Sorry Bruce, but you are wrong. Fish are friends and food. Sushi is the absolute best place when you’re in the mood... and willing to splurge. There is something so incredibly pleasing about a meal out of Nemo and Dory rice rolls and feeling that perfect full afterwards.
Mexican. Comfort food in its finest form. I don’t think I’ve met a single person who doesn’t like a good burrito. Guacamole is a gift from god and we have a responsibility to honor that gift. Yes Chipotle, I know it’s extra and worth every damn penny.
Froyo. We all get that craving every once and a while. It hits you hard, and with great force, then you remember that calories are a thing and it’s just like, fuck. The answer to this caloric dilemma lies in frozen yogurt. We all know bitches like totally love froyo. I mean, hun cal. Duh.
When it comes to food, just trust your gut to guide you to the goods. As for me, I’m headed to Strong Hearts. Apparently their milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.