Food Sex

The lowdown on the get down with Sandy Johnson

My boyfriend and I began experimenting with food to revamp our sex life after three years of dating. We started with the “normal” sexual foods like whipped cream and chocolate sauce. But my boyfriend keeps pushing it: maraschino cherries, Reese’s Pieces, and pepperoni...on my nipples. The other night, he wanted to spread dip all over my chest and eat it off with corn chips. I’m getting weirded out. Should I just loosen up? Or is there a way to stop this without ruining our relationship?

Ah, food sex. A popular, albeit messy, way to add some zing to your thing. You guys got into this together and you’ve been doing him for three years, so you should be able to communicate. But before you have the big talk, you might want to evaluate the severity of your situation. Here’s a simple test.

First, does he ever take your input on what foods to use, or for that matter, have you ever offered any up? Maybe if you take a more active approach, it won’t seem so much like his thing. Second, when you’re dining between the sheets, is your man more fixated on you, or on the food? I’d be weirded out too if my lover ignored my naked body in favor of the chef’s salad on my stomach. You should be the real turn-on. And third, when you decide to broach the subject, see if he gets defensive or tries to avoid the subject. If he does, the issue may be more deeply rooted. But, listen to your gut. Hold your ground and tell him how you feel. No relationship is worth constantly feeling uncomfortable in your own bed.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost four months, and everything, especially the sex, has been incredible. But I have a secret that I haven’t yet let on: I get really hot when girls watch me pee. I’ve found various ways to get my girlfriends to “walk in on me,” usually without them knowing what’s going on. But now, I really think I’m falling in love, and I don’t want my girl thinking I’m a freak. On the other hand, my body’s telling me it’s showtime. What should I do?

Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go, right? But seriously, I feel for you. We all have our freaky fixations (see the first question!), and balancing the desire for sexual satisfaction with the desire to earn and keep the respect of love-muffins can be tough. But one thing’s certain: You can’t maintain a relationship built on secrets and discomfort. At least you don’t want to pee on your girlfriend, or, God forbid, inside your girlfriend. And it’s not like you’re asking her to pee on you, either. Those scenarios would be a bit more difficult for her to accept.

Just gently tell her that you don’t like being overly modest around someone you’re intimate with. Say that you’ve actually come to enjoy a woman’s touch – or even just her company – while taking a leak, and she should understand. And if you can chat with her while she watches and still get your jollies, this could also make her a more comfortable audience. Just remember to lift the seat before you begin.