How To Avoid Getting Lost in Translation
By Laura Cohen
You’ve probably heard the age-old sentiment “communication is key.” Just because it’s an overused classic doesn’t mean it’s not the real deal. The words you use and how you phrase them when delivering a crucial message can have the power to help or hurt you. If you unintentionally lead someone on, you may end up with a stalker. If you accidentally shut someone out, you end up alone. When someone doesn’t understand what you want or feel, you just end up with confusion and lots of drama. Dodge this issue by following these simple dos and don’ts:
When you want to take it to the next level…
DO focus on what can be done to improve and advance the relationship. Tell the person what you “would really like” or “would love to see happen” to establish an even brighter future ahead.
DON’T bash what’s been going on right now. Saying what you have right now is “just not enough” can feel insulting and be interpreted as your just wanting someone else.
When you want to slow things down…
DO say you still really like the person, just not the speed of the relationship. This will let them know things are still on, but just need a little adjustment.
DON’T use words that can be used in a break up. Phrases like “take a break” and “cool off” make it sound like there’s a strong possibility the relationship is over.
When you want to take a break…
DO say you want to re-evaluate things for a specific amount of time (whether it be a week, two weeks, so on). This shows it’s not over—yet.
DON’T appear to favor one outcome. “I just need a little time apart” makes it sound like you are definitely getting back together, and “I need to be on my own right now” makes it sound like there’s no chance. If you don’t know what will happen, keep it neutral.
When you want to go back to just being friends…
DO throw in the word friend as many times as possible so they get the hint. Tell them you value them as a friend and don’t want to throw away your friendship just because being more than friends didn’t work out. Get it?
DON’T say you will always care about them, even if it’s true. Care hits too close to emotional territory and he or she will think it’s possible to get you to see them that way again. You don’t want your friend making moves on you.
When you want it to be over, for good…
DO stress that your feelings are no longer there and that they are not coming back. Harsh, but what break up isn’t? At least this way they won’t try to fix what was messed up.
DON’T give false hope just because you feel bad. For example, “I’m not sure what the future holds, but for now it just isn’t working.” You know the future holds nothing, so please clue in your soon-to-be ex as well.
Think about the last time you had an important conversation about a relationship. Whether it was good or bad, you know you constantly reread the texts and kept replaying every word of the conversation over and over again, both in your head and aloud to your friends. Just imagine your partner doing this, and you will understand why it’s so important to be clear and concise. Choose your words wisely.