How to Calm the Fuck Down Before Finals


finals week

Finals symptoms are as obvious as ever. Every student looks like a bleary-eyed zombie as they go from class to class, unmotivated and preferring their beds over lecture halls every hour of the day. As we struggle through this last weeks of class, the full-fledged panic attacks and stress-cries are a given. So how do you chill out when you’re freaking the fuck out about finals? We here at Jerk have some ways that you can calm down and take some much needed “you time.” Namaste.

Therapy Dog Thursdays

SU’s mental health organization, Be Well, provides “Therapy Dog Thursdays” around midterms and finals to help students relax some cute puppies. What better way to spend a Thursday afternoon – during which you’d rather light yourself on fire than go to class – with adorable dogs on the quad? ‘Cuse has you covered, and you can vent to the person behind you in the long ass line. If it helps reduce your anxiety and you get to pet a bunch of puppers, then it must be worth it.

A Night of R & R

If personal time is more your style, try some yoga. Take classes at Archbold, find a tutorial online in your room, or drink some tea. Submit to the magical powers of deep breathing and a warm beverage. Meditation apps work wonders, too. They teach you how to breathe deeply for relaxation, which will come in handy during the next two weeks of hell. End your night with a face mask, then curl up with your twinkling lights, your blankets, and a book (or Netflix, if that’s more your style) and take some time to be lazy. The textbooks can wait.


Before you groan, we know the last thing you’re thinking about right now is walking your ass through the glass doors of Ernie gym. But here’s a quick, super-sciencey fact to help you on your bio final and help you relax: exercising releases dopamine in your brain, which makes you happier. Even if you don’t have a Kardashian personal trainer, be your own motivator and kick your own ass on the elliptical and weight machines. Better yet, make a friend come along with and agree to a study sesh after. Go get shit done.

Get in the Holiday Cheer

Get together for an end-of-semester hoorah with your best pals and throw on your favorite Christmas movies on repeat. Keep your time together upbeat, and take every opportunity to laugh. Decorate your room for the holidays with tiny lights, a mini tree, and some personalized stockings while jamming out to your favorite Christmas tunes and sipping spiked egg nog. Eat all the cookies you were saving for Santa for no reason other than you deserve it.

Say fuck it.

Nothing says “fuck finals” like going out every night this week. Sure, you may not get a lot of studying done but at least you’re having fun. Forget about the exams you’ll inevitably fail despite studying your ass off. Downing shot after shot of vodka seems like the perfect excuse to not crack open the books sitting on your desk, but hey, work hard and play harder, right? Unless you’re aiming for a 4.0, you just need a 70% on your French final. C’s get degrees, baby!