How to Embrace Your Inner Basic Bitch for Mayfest
It’s the day we’ve all been waiting for. Will every girl run around in flash tattoos and flower crowns? Probably. Will it snow? Possibly. Will we all be too drunk to care anyway?
As our claim-to-fame UU-sponsored music festival approaches once more, it’s time for the preparations to commence. The liquor stores will flood with freshmen looking for cheap Svedka, morally-bankrupt scalpers will raid the streets selling Block Party tickets for upwards of $80 (really, class of 2017? Really?), and Forever 21 will be packed with adolescent girls looking for last minute denim overalls.
When it comes to any kind of festival, the millennial generation tends to dress in uniform. Boys throw on their chino shorts and various jerseys (because sports), while girls lace up their thigh-high gladiator sandals, toss on a flower crown and crop top, and call it a day. The bottoms for girls vary. It could be a skater skirt or it could be artfully torn shorts that barely pass for underwear. The world is our under-dressed oyster.
As basic as this attire may be, let’s be honest here... we’re not going to wear anything else. Don't hold your breath waiting for a Marxist-eqsue revolution where we burn everything we own from Urban Outfitters and wear the “clothing of the people.” So for this year’s Mayfest, I highly suggest you embrace your inner basic bitch and become “one with the vibes.” If you don’t know how to be basic, worry not.
Here’s a handy guide to dressing like a basic bitch, a gift from us Jerks to you.
This is an easy one. Just throw on any pair of shorts you own, a t-shirt or sports jersey, and some boat shoes. Top it all off with an obnoxious snapback and some Ray Bans and voila! You’ll fit right in.
Now, here’s the tricky part. Feminine festival style ranges from “floaty wood nymph flower goddess” to “tropical rhinestone luau queen.” But let’s start with the basics. You simply can’t go wrong with a flower crown, especially if you’ve hand-picked it from the quad. For shoes, lace-up gladiator knee-highs are a good move—you never know when you’re going to have to fight someone to the death in a mosh-pit.
Floaty wood nymph goddess style typically calls for a lacey crop top, a flower crown, and a maxi skirt or high-waisted shorts. Shower yourself in gold glitter and use leafy and/or flowery flash tattoos to showcase your crunchiness. For all anyone knows, you could have just emerged from the mystical forests of Thornden.
Tropical rhinestone luau queens, on the other hand, wrap themselves in brightly colored fabrics and an incredible amount of glue-on rhinestones. This outfit calls for a brightly printed set of pants, a loose crop top and/or a tropical shirt. Accessorize with lots of leis and flip flops, because everyone knows a day at Mayfest is basically a day at the beach (regardless of potential snow).
As for my too-sporty-to-care girls, rock on. Throw on those jerseys (and make them look a hell of a lot better than the basic guys), a pair of distressed boyfriend jeans, white Converse, and call it a day. You’ll look so ~effortless~ among the flower crowns in your Steph Curry shirt.
And to all my festival people, don’t forget to accessorize! Throw on that flannel you triumphantly thrifted from Goodwill to keep out the cold breeze, and slap on some Ray Bans to shield yourself from the blinding glare of the Mayfest sun (that is, if it ever comes out).
No matter what you choose to wear that day, stay comfortable, stay hydrated, and above all else, stay basic my friends.