How to Make the Bookstore Your Bitch this Holiday Season
There are two weeks left until winter break. Your parents are likely hassling you for a Christmas list while simultaneously pounding you about finals and your crippling GPA. Your own shopping list for family and friends seems to have multiplied and you have neither the time nor energy to splurge on your weird cousin Johnny, whom you see exactly once a year. Thankfully Syracuse University has blessed our campus with a multipurpose bookstore to fulfill all of your Christmas shopping needs. If you know what you’re doing and walk through those doors into orange hell with a game plan, you’ll be able to make the SU Bookstore your holiday shopping bitch.
For Your Hook Up
It’s platonic and you both intend to keep it that way, but there is no harm in dropping a little cash this holiday season as a thank you for all the late night hauls across campus. This timeless style choice will not only keep him looking hip in the shower, it shows you care about his hygiene, in classic hook up fashion.
Otto Shot Glass
A symbol of the status you two were likely in the first (or every) time you hooked up. Plus who wouldn’t want an orange mascot hyping you up as you throw back strawberry lemonade Svedka?
So the next time you get the 12:00am “you up?” text, you can ask for a fashion show as a spunky new form of foreplay.
A “Syracuse Dad” Sweatshirt
To remind him of his place.
A Citrus Patterned Tie
Because sometimes the “Syracuse Dad” sweatshirt doesn’t fly at Christmas dinner and you must provide every opportunity to represent the favorite child.
A Syracuse Frame
So you can fill it with a dope picture of you and your friends to ease her nerves about your social life at school.
Anything From This Collection
Because your mom is a boujee bitch.
For the Younger Sibling
Literally Any ‘Cuse Apparel
Because God knows younger siblings love to represent in front of their high school friends as an excuse to bring up that one time you took them to a frat party.
For the Older Sibling
A Syracuse Collegiate Utility Cover
They are probably emerging into the real world and will be dealing with real world issues like propane tanks, so might as well be spirited doing it.
For the Boyfriend
A ‘Cuse Wallet
Because him thinking of you every time he buys something might just work in your favor one day.
To swing obnoxiously as one does.
For the Girlfriend
For her to take excessive scissors to before tailgates.
Anything from the Arbitrary Clinique Store in the Center of the Shop
For the Dog
Everything the Store has to Offer and Five Good Boy Pats
For the People You Just Have to Get Gifts For
Because this is something that is sold there and someone needs to receive them this holiday season.
Look Around and Pick out Something Real Nice
So you can steal it later.