How to Stage a Bed-in

Poor Bitch on Campus

By Krystie Yandoli

When world peace was a no-go, John Lennon and Yoko Ono took the protest to their bed. They spent their 1969 honeymoon in room 702 at the Hilton Amsterdam Hotel in the Netherlands, inviting the media to cover their weeklong push for harmony and love. But you don’t need a fancy suite to stage your own bed-in. Conserve cash by cuddling up for peace in your dorm room.

The More the Merrier You can’t stage a successful bed-in by yourself. Yoko landed one of the biggest pop stars of all time, and she wasn’t much of a looker. But don’t settle for a mediocre snuggle buddy. Ask a close friend you haven’t spent much time with to join. Or, hit up your current booty call — that way, you can break in the bed in more ways than one.

Some Like it Firm Those twin-sized pads Syracuse University so graciously supplies aren’t ideal, but it’s not the size that matters — it’s how you use it. You’re going to be lounging around for days in the same place, so make sure you’ve got a cozy sanctuary. Scavenge for spare pillows, blankets, hell, even slabs of foam to pimp out your nest. Invest in a set of warm flannel sheets — a staple for any Syracuse resident.

Set the Mood Spray a cocktail of Febreeze and perfume before you dim the lights and slide under the sheets. Whip out your famous DVD collection and pop in The Goonies or FernGully. And don’t knock the Internet before you’ve tried it — and are hit or miss with quality, but they’re free. Whatever you do, don’t do homework. After all, this is a protest.

Stay Squeaky Clean Just because you can’t shower doesn’t mean your personal hygiene should suffer. If sponge bathing doesn’t suit your fancy, make like our feline friends and tell your bed partner to start licking. Or take a stack of face wipes and get to work, but don’t forget to shower before class on Monday. As for your clothes, turn them inside out. For a more risqué bed-in, go naked, as long as you’re comfortable with a little fondling.

Illustration by Monica Barron

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