Irrational Fears Every Syracuse Student Has
Fears, we all have them. Heights, sharks, clowns — you name it. Some of us still even sleep with the nightlight on, and that’s okay. Fears are what makes us all human. But what about all those irrational, ridiculous phobias we have as Syracuse students that keep us up at night? Well, fear no more. We’ve compiled a list of the irrational fears we all have to make sure you know you’re not alone.
Mumps
The mumps is the biggest meme of all time, yet you’re still scared for your life that you’ll be infected by the virus. You Clorox and sanitize every doorknob you come in contact with because you can never be to sure when the mumps will getcha. And what if you feel the slightest fatigue? Or have one measly cough? Forget it! You’re already calling up health services and preparing to be quarantined for five days. Time to register for that booster shot.
Freezing To Death
If it’s not cold, then it’s not Syracuse. You’re very much aware of the kind of weather that you signed up for when committing to SU, but the brick temperatures still hit you like a ton of bricks every year. It’s practically a miracle that DPS hasn’t found your lifeless, frozen body at a Centro bus bench…yet. There’s still time.
GoPuff Judging Your Order
We’ve all been in desperate need of something but way too lazy to actually go out and get it. That’s what GoPuff is for. You’ve counted on GoPuff for your every desire… but sometimes it gets weird. Like, when you realize your giant stash of Trojans in your desk drawer has suddenly run dry and you need it, NOW. Or, you’re constantly running to the bathroom and sitting there for what feels like hours, just dying for some Pepto Bismol. And you just can’t help it if you order some Jack Link’s Original Beef Jerky for $7.95 a bag. It’s your guilty pleasure. Here’s hoping that when you walk out the door in your groufit to pick up your order that the GoPuff delivery man understands.
Fake ID Not Working
It’s finally Thirsty Thursday and you’re ready for the ultimate test of time: using your fake ID. You’ve been waiting for this moment since the day you could pass for someone who knows that a Long Island Iced Tea isn’t really an iced tea. You’ve even researched facts about the given Rhode Island zip code on your new license. Until—there it is—the instant shrill of panic you feel walking down Marshall Street to the Holy Mecca, DJ’s. What if you don’t look like your picture? What if they ask you your address and you can’t remember it? What if it doesn’t scan? Oh man, you knew you should’ve listened to your older sister when she said not to order from IDGod.
Chronic F.O.M.O.
The Fear of Missing Out will be the death of us all. It seems like every weekend something new is going down. We’re terrified of being the one friend at brunch Saturday morning that doesn’t get the joke about the night before. Even if you’re bedridden with the flu or can feel your liver rejecting your body, F.O.M.O. at Syracuse always wins.
The Roommate Walk-in
You treasure the alone time you spend in your bedroom back home. Who’s to say you can’t do the same when you’re away at school? Your roommate, that’s who. Whether you’re getting it on/dancing around naked/sitting on your roommate’s bed taking selfies because they have the side with the natural light, the risk of them walking is always there and always scary. We recommend having a cover-story for each scenario ready on standby.
Fire Alarm Goes Off While You’re in the Shower
You’ve hit the 2 a.m. mark and have finally called it quits on your late-night cram session. You’re more than ready to unwind, take a long, hot shower, and drift off to sleep. But just as you begin contemplating life in the shower, there it is. The most dreaded sound of all time.
WARNING.
DO NOT USE ELEVATORS.
Now everyone will see you in all your towel-ed glory. You didn’t even get a chance to lather, rinse, and repeat. Actually, this fear is totally rational. Beware.