One Nebraskan Taught Us How To Make Quick Cash

By Shea Garner

As though it wasn’t a given that Nebraskans have too much time on their hands, one man’s recent invention made it crystal clear. In an effort to scrounge some extra cash for a pack of cigarettes, William Logan Jr. (see left) used a back-mounted vacuum cleaner to suck change from the machines of an apartment’s laundry room.

Brilliant or desperate? Both. He managed to collect $20—enough for a few drinks or a cheap hooker—but his luck quickly turned when he was caught and arrested. His prior criminal record included stealing a Salvation Army Christmas tree and more than 30 pallets from a local grocer. He may have been planning the greatest bonfire ever (and in the name of Jesus Christ).

Lesson learned? Next time you’re low on cash and bored in the Goldstein laundry room, grab your vacuum cleaner. Forget the security cameras; tell them you were just dusting the coin slots. Nebraskans seem to have mastered the art of scamming, but not all of us have such an innate talent. Here are a few of JERK’s suggestions for pinching pennies.

Fake stash. Tired of smoking everyone up? Throw some oregano in the bowl and pass it around. Just tell your friends that you’ve been experimenting with oriental cooking techniques.

Kegpak: Next time you’re at the keg, bring a Camelbak and fill it up. You’ll have enough beer or jungle juice to last at least an hour (or 15 minutes). Nothing tastes better than booze through a straw.

Camelbak a bit too intense for you? Try a super-sized Solo cup. Bring with you to frat parties to get 50% more beer after waiting in the keg line for so long. (Other things we love: this peel-and-scratch Solo cup.)

Coin on a string. Learn the value of a quarter from the Nebraskan man and tie one to a string to make 25 cents go a long way.

Be stealth at the dining halls. Yes, the food at Ernie and BBB sucks, but there are only so many days in a row you can settle for Ramen. Purchase the five-meals-a-week plan, then bring a tote bag to the dining halls. Pretend to be prepping a sandwich, then slip the loaf of bread or a jar of peanut butter into your bag. You’ll be set for the rest of the week.

The lowest you ever sunk to save a buck or two? Let us know and comment below – we wanna hear this.