Reality Show Haters

I'd like to see you try.

By Allie Ditkowich

reality show illustration

Among a polluted sea of shitty, unintelligent reality shows stand a few gems that require the participants to possess a strong work ethic, actual skill, and extensive knowledge of more than just raunchy sex positions. I’m talking about smart, realistic reality shows with real people showing off real talent and skill. But take these wonderful, enriching shows, and add ignorant comments from incompetent viewers with no skill, and you get shit, absolute shit…and a migraine.

You’ve all witnessed it — on a bus, in class, at the state fair — when that girl wearing UGGs in the middle of August says she can dress better than Tim Gunn or Heidi Klum because her outfit looks like what everyone else from her bubble of a hometown wears. Well, move over Lauren Conrad because these shows — "Project Runway," "Top Chef," "America’s Next Top Model" — require talent and years of training, not just an elitist attitude with no follow-through. And no, successfully selling your body to millions of Americans through bisexual encounters and drunkenness does not make you talented. A bottle of champagne will give you all the skills you need to succeed there.

Unfortunately, technology has not yet allowed us to smell or taste the food that chefs make on shows such as "Chopped" and "Top Chef," so “that food looks disgusting” should never come out of the mouth which just engulfed a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder.

And if you keep up that diet, I’m sure Tyra will have a bone to pick with you, especially after she hears what you’ve been saying about her models on ANTM. The same girl in your biology class who criticized a model for walking poorly in stilettos tripped over her own heels on the way to and from Marshall Street last night. Miss Jay would not approve.

Ultimately, you can prepare dorm-friendly meals using only a microwave and plastic utensils. But I’d like to see you try to make a gourmet, three-course meal for 100 diners, inspired by a Vegas landmark, and cook it in the middle of a desert using only an open fire, cast-iron skillet, and rhubarb. Follow those guidelines and make the food taste good, and then maybe you can run your mouth. If cooking isn’t your forté and you prefer mocking the models and designers on "Project Runway," maybe you could dress yourself in an acceptable outfit before class at 8:00 a.m. when you’re still drunk from last night’s festivities — then get back to me.

The moral here is, if it’s not a craft you are even near capable of doing, don’t criticize it. Almost no student on this campus can come close to completing even the early stages of professional garment design or food preparation that the contestants on these shows can. Students are students for a reason: they are still learning, and they are still in the developmental stages of their aspired careers. And yes, Christian Sirianos exist and win "Project Runway" right off the fashion school bus, but people like him are freaks and exceptions. I promise, spending the day criticizing people you cannot yet, nor ever plan to compete with, doesn’t make you appear “cooler” or more talented. It doesn’t mean you’re the next exception; it just means you’re out. Auf Wiedersehen.